Has anyone placed your love one in a nursing home after the care became to much for you?

Hey there Christina, sounds like alot of us in the same boat.I think the shame of it all is that I would've loved to have had a great relationship with my mother, and could never understand why this never happened. I have jumped through hoops and done headstands to get her approval. To realise you will never have a loving relationship is hard. Ive often wondered why she turned out like she did, she came from a loving family etc, but always had a sense of entitlement and that she was just that bit better than others.
She has put me down all my life, and when I came to care for her I thought finally she has to approve of me doing this, but it just made matters so much worse. She admits its all about her, and I tell her that's fair enough, but according to this theory of hers that therefore means I can use this statement as well to forge a life for myself...this is where she trips up, and tries to say but you owe me. For what? If she wasn't my mother she would be a person I would avoid. But she is and that makes me care for her wellbeing. This is all. I do find myself falling into the trap over and over with my desire to have this 'loving mother' overrides any kind of logic at times, and leaves me drained, depressed and just not a nice person to know.
This will continue till the day she is not here, and I'm sure I will feel all the guilt of maybe I should've tried harder, but I hope that logic prevails and I dig myself out of that negative thought process. Sometimes understanding why a person is like what they are like, does little to help, and can make you sadder.
All I can do is my best to not be like this to my kids, and learn from mistakes..I gave my kids life, and I love them to pieces, they are far from perfect, but I do not own their lives nor would I hold them to ransom that they must care for me or I will make their lives hell, the thought they would resent me like I do my own mother just makes me shudder.
I am who I am, good and bad, but I have learnt that your loved ones are not pawns in some sick manipulative game of life, and you don't treat them so. Live and let live, you get one shot at this life thing, either get to the end with regrets and delusions about yourself, or give it a bloody good shot and get to the end with a feeling of pride and satisfaction you did good. I want to go in the ground being able to slide into the 6ft hole on my knees holding a glass of vino yelling...yeeharr what a ride lol

I hear you, rubikat:) we are who we are, which also makes us caregivers to those who may not deserve us--if life were Fair. Life is a mystery, Dear One.
Blessings to you all.