My husband and i have been caring for our adult quadriplegic son for 4 years and are physically, financially, and emotionally unable to. Now what? - AgingCare.com

My husband and i have been caring for our adult quadriplegic son for 4 years and are physically, financially, and emotionally unable to. Now what?

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There's no other family. Hs father has had 4 heart attacks and has a pacemaker/defibrilator. I am disabled and walk with a prosthetic above the knee. Not even APS can help me find a place for him to go due to lack of funding. I'm past burn out and am depressed. I'm past tired and can't do this anymore. What am i supose to do to get anything accomplished? We have 35/ hrs aweek provider care but no one wll stay once they see all the work envolved. He is total care. He cannot even take a drink by himself. Nursing homes say he's too young, 34 yo. Do we have to die to get help????

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Call your local regional center, ask your doctor
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Kat, I see you are in Tomball, TX from profile. Texas has program for Adult Foster Care administered by Department of Aging and Disability Services DADS.
Adult Foster Care (AFC) provides a supervised, 24-hour living arrangement in an adult foster home for people who are unable to continue living independently in their own homes because of a physical, mental or emotional limitation.
AFC providers and residents live in the same household and share a common living area. With the exception of family members, no more than three adults may live in the foster home unless the home is licensed as a Type C Assisted Living Facility or as a Type A Small Group Home. The person receiving services pays the provider for room and board.
What services are provided?
Help with personal care tasks
Help with activities of daily living
Help preparing meals
Help providing or arranging for transportation

Who can get services?
You must be 18 or older.
You must meet a specified functional assessment score.
You may be a Medicaid recipient or have resources not exceeding specified limits.
How do I apply for services? Contact your local Texas Department of Aging and Disability Services office. There is a central # 1-855-937-2372 and they can help you get started.
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I don't know if this would help but the United Way help hotline (dial 211) might have some suggestions.

Another possibility might be charities with a focus on paralysis; they might know of some source of support.

You mentioned that workers won't stay when they realize how much work is involved; I'm wondering if there are other types of support that could help, or perhaps break up the work into tasks that various workers could do so that no one workers is overwhelmed.

I'm aware of a couple who had a child with multiple disabilities, and I believe some paralysis was involved. If I recall correctly, they did get governmental assistance, monetarily and for care. Sorry, but I don't know any of the details.
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Have you been turned down by more than 1 nursing home? When my dad was in a nursing home there was a man there who had multiple sclerosis. He was in his early 40's.

I work in healthcare and early in my career I worked with quadriplegics. They do require total care. Even an elderly person who is bed bound can sometimes assist in their own care by rolling to one side and they can feel pain in they're getting a bed sore. This isn't the case with quadriplegics.

Four years is a long time to have been providing total, around the clock care for your son. The stress you're under must be enormous.

You're in crisis. You need help. What about taking your son to the ER?
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Is he not eligible for a group home?
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