Hi, this has been really worrying me for over 3 years and I'd massively appreciate any advice anyone can give.
My family is jewish. My father is now in his mid 80s and physically ailing, but remains the most authoritarian and driven figure in our family, which he has provided for through a highly successful business career.
Fairly wealthy, and capable of bestowing sums taht can transform lives forever, my father has always insisted that his children will always be his priority and that they will always be provided for; indeed from early on he's always insisted that all three of us will be left affluent for the rest of our lives.
But life is I think never as straightforward as that, and I am now in a difficult situation due to the way in which family politics have gone over the last 10 or so years. I have two older siblings who are no longer in contact with my parents, but who have made sure that my father has long provided for them and their families such that they should never be in ned again.
I am probably more naive than these 2, more successful in a professionals sense but not in high-income areas, which was partly a choice made given my father's many financial promises to us. He is a very charismatic, almost hypnotic figure who it is very difficult to disbelieve, and until recently, despite his many appalling tempers and other maishaps, I trusted him implicitly.
Unfortunately it now seems that other relatives in the extended family, especially my father's sister and her children, who are not well off, have moved in very sharply to gain my father's favour and (not unlike children in an unpleasant divorce case) turn both my parens against me. This is especially sad given that in spite of his flaws my father and I were for decades extremely close, and my mother and I have hardly had a disagreement in our entire lives.
Money does seem to be the motivating factor andn my father is now starting to say that they no longer have adequate funds and that he will not be able to keep his earlier promises. In addition, my aunt's family have persauded my parents to leave their comfortable home and move far away from me and very close to my aunt and her children. My father is selling very major assets as a worrying rate, which is a huge change from most of his life, when he would never sell anything for cash, and when he is giving in acts of generosity, he will make presents of physical heirlooms rather than anything from his bank account, which my aunt's family has power of attorney over and in effect monitors and controls.
It's 100% fair to say that most people make their way in life without significant inheritances (and also have challenging parents) but what is really upsetting here is first that there's every sign my parents are being bullied by some very forceful people who are in need of financial help, and indeed my parents have regularly commented on how bullying and controlling my aunt's family are. Second, having concentrated on careers which bring satisfaction and prestige I have made assumptions that my father's many promises will be kept, and so at the age of 50+ I am now having to change career extremely rapidly to give myself a shot of providing for my old age. If my father had told me I was on my own at 18 then there would be no problem! I think I can be ok financially, but the real tragedy is that I don't have the time or emotional steam to keep in touch with my parents and work my hardest to have the new career that will do the trick. Third, my aunt's family are saying all sorts of the things to my parents to much up our relationship, which is really hurting me - I love my parents very much and when we speak now there is so much hostility in the air that it is nothing like the life we used to have.
I am very unhappy about all of this - the lost money I can just about come to terms with, but the way it's been done and the effective demolition of my friendship with my parents is just appalling. Talking to my parents simply doesn't work (it always ends badly, and they won't hear a word against my aunt's family) and my aunt's family also appear to have made sure that any potential intermediary figures who could mediate have also been turned against me. My two older siblings will not help. And yes, I've talked to lawyers, but to escalate to that and have perhaps to servce notices on members of my family seems impossible to countenance and it would destroy I think any remaining friendship with my parents.
If I manage to focus totally on something else, then i'm ok, but when I wake in the morning and at other rogue times the whole thing just descends on me and I fear it's making me bitter and just perhaps, permanently altered. This I really don't want but apart from simply blocking the whole thing out, I totally don't have a clue what to do. If anyone can help, I'd be incredibly grateful.