My mother moved in with me and my family in late February after my father died in December. She has severe osteoporosis and arthritis, is unable to stand on her own and uses a walker. Her knee broke three times over the past five years and she is terrified of it breaking again. My father was at her beck and call all that time and limited his time out of the house to one hour at a time. He was a very healthy man, a runner and athlete, who tried to get her into therapy and back in life again but to no avail. He also couldn't beat the glioblastoma that caused his death just two months after diagnosis.
My father's funeral was the first time my mom left their house in a year and a half.
Now that she is with us in another state, she is continuing her pattern of trying to control our routines, etc. and is in constant pain, bored and limits my time away from her.
I know she is severely depressed and her arthritis pain is horrible. I gently tell her that we could get help for the pain if only she'd visit a doctor. She hates (is afraid?) of them and says it's to hard to get her out of the house. We do have a portable wheelchair and ramp I remind her. Then she says it's too hard to get her in the van. She weighs about 90 pounds and I tell her my husband and son are strong. Then she says it would be impossible to get her to a bathroom if she needed one. I told her she could use Depends and she would be fine. Millions of people use them daily just to be out in the world. She says she is not one of "those" millions and that is that. She is NOT leaving.
She is becoming quite needy as far as my attention which is understandable since I'm the one that's around all day. She hates talking on the phone and won't even call her old friends at home because it makes her "more lonely."
I'm at my wit's end as I don't know how to help her change her attitude. She says she wishes she would've died before my dad, that's the way it should've been, she said. I'm sure there's a lot of anger there but she refuses to grieve as well.