How do you persuade your parents to give up driving?

I am facing this situation with my 83 yr. old father. For the past year, I have tried to get him to realize that his driving was not only unsafe for him, but for others as well. I had spoke with his Dr. about my concerns, but he threw me under the bus, (no pun intended) by telling my Dad that I spoke to him.

Then just yesterday, Dad had another fender bender, and also left the scene of the accident. Luckily no one was seriously hurt. He thought the other person took off, but turned out she was hit by another car. He was flustered & confused, so he came home.

I called the police immediately to report it. When the officer showed up I greeted him at the car and asked him that if it turns out to be my dad's fault, report is name to the state.

The police issued him 2 tickets that will accumulate enough points on his license to require him to retake his drivers test. I really don't think he will pass. Too many laws have changed within the past 65 years since he last took the test to drive.

The funny thing is, he doesn't realize the situation he is in, and has asked me this morning, if I can take him to go get a rental care, while his car is in the shop.

After my mom was involved in 5 accidents one year, the State Highway Patrol sent her name in to the state. I took away her keys. I had obtained two doctor statements that she should not be driving. She was summoned to take a written and driving test. Before the summons she found the keys and tried to bite me when I tried to take them away. I called my brother who came over and disconnected the battery cable and distributor cap. She failed both the written and driving portions of the test, and her license was taken from her. Then the state officially notified her that she was unable to drive. I had POA over her finances, so, when that happened, my brother helped me sell the car. I notified her after the sale was completed. She was upset, but I promised to take her wherever she needed to go. It's not easy. Sometimes the elderly decided on their own to give up driving, but when they don't, you have to take matters into your own hands. Even when other relatives or the workers at the BVM tell you what a terrible son or daughter who are for taking away your parent's driving privileges.

Getting a parent to give up the keys is one of the most difficult aspects of caregiving because their ability to drive represents freedom and independence for them.
Before you begin speaking to them about not driving, be sure that you have some alternatives in place for them....for instance, a concierge service, offers to take them to where they need to go, bus routes (if they are capable), senior companion services, etc.
Here is a link to a resource workbook that is excellent called "Beyond Driving with Dignity" - http://keepingussafe.org/workbookic.htm

You could also speak with your parent's physician and ask that they request a driving assessment from a neighborhood resource or from an occupational therapist.

Giving up the keys is a sad part of life and must be dealt with in a delicate way.

Best of luck,

Shelley

Oh... I have the best solution to this issue. I started by getting my mom to see a geriatric physician and I had faxed them a list of concerns - one of them being driving.
The doctor recommended a service which was run by a local hospital which would give my mom feedback on how well she was driving. The doctor said, "don't you want everyone to know how well you are driving and you are still capable?" She said yes and then we made the appointment with the hospital. The service was run as part of the brain-injury section of the rehabilitation unit. They did a series of cognative tests (e.g. drawing a picture of a clock, dot-to-dots) and then they put my mom in a simulator. Of course she flunked both the cognative and driving portion of the program and then they told her that she really wasn't safe to drive. Put that way, she was concerned for her own safety and gave up the keys.