Can persons with dementia "hold a grudge?" - AgingCare.com

Can persons with dementia "hold a grudge?"

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My mother is said to have dementia. When I was younger she was sweet as can be. But as I grew up, she became increasingly bitter, Now anything will set her off. She has become mean and spiteful. I cook and clean for her on a daily basis and last week she told me that I was not her daughter and that she did not love me. I don't know whether this is her or the disease. I am so confused. I need to go take my parents a few things, but my father asked me not because he fears my mother. Please help me understand.

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I have wondered about the "grudge" question as well. For example, my dad with dementia, agreed to sign the papers to give me access to his checking account. A week later he had a huge hissy fit with my mom when she mentioned I was paying their bills. He accused me of trying to steal money etc. when mom told me about it, I thought, oh sh...... Now this will be a bfd forever. Nope, he'd forgotton all about it by the next day. However when mom slips up and mentions me doing financial stuff he has the same fit each time and then forgets each time.
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"You are not my daughter" is definitely the disease. This is a classic dementia symptom. Please try to see it as the dementia and not your "real" mom. I hope that Dad is talking to her physician and especially that he is describing these symptoms. Poor Mom needs some medical help. How miserable she must be!
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Definitely, get her check for a urinary tract infection! When my Mom gets them, she becomes more confused, more angry, and very tired. Symptoms of UTI in my mom range from a backache to stroke symptoms garbled speech, difficulty walking. The symptoms absolutely run the gamut!
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Have your dad get her into the dr for tests for UTI's or other stressing physical issues! Physical stresses can worsen mental stresses, and vice versa.
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You need to stay away but help your dad get help for her. Is he talking to her doctor about these symptoms? Please think of these behaviors as symptoms and not as part of who your mom really is.
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It is most definitely the disease, and the healthiest thing for you is to stay away from her until your father can get her properly medicated. See your own MD and get counseling. Ask for anxiety meds if you need them. Just don't let her psychosis imprint itself on you. It's sort of like being in Al-Anon. You admit you cannot change her, you step back until she changes her poor decision making. Your father is right in keeping you apart, for your own protection.
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