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I live with my 92 year old father who has health issues. At times all tell him my plans but then he tells everyone else he talks too. I asked not to do that, if I wanted some one to know I’d tell them, he screamed at me and threatened me he would kick me out. That I was wrong for him not to tell people. WTH? It’s my personal business, is it not? Please advise,

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Do you feel you have to tell him your plans? You don't. Just say, "I am going out will try to be home by 11pm." or "going out, not sure when I will be back. Will call if running late" Thats all you have to say. If he insists on more info, "Dad, I am a 60 year old adult and don't need to give you every detail. I am just going out for a while." If he threatens to kick you out. tell him if he does than he won't have his free aide, he will need to pay for it. He needs to know that you don't have to be there. You live in his house, but he does not run your life.
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I would provide very little detail to him. If you tell him that you’re going out, keep your specific plans to yourself. He doesn’t have to know everything that you do. The less that you share, the better. Keep your answers very general if he asks questions. ie./ You’re going out with friends (you don’t have to divulge which friends); similarly, you have a few errands to run (don’t provide specifics).

It’s challenging to maintain a sense of autonomy because you live together, and he probably still regards you in an outdated way (as a child or teenager).

You will have to create (and enforce) boundaries. You may even have to respond with: ‘That’s my business.’ if his questions are too intrusive.

All best.
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I think it's time to consider your Father has dementia. And by time you are seeing obvious and regular odd behaviors/reactions, he is most likely in moderate dementia. This should be confirmed by his primary doctor. Today I got an email from Medicare.gov reminding me of my free annual wellness check. You should take your Dad for this, and then also discretely pass the staff a note telling them you are seeing concerning behaviors and to please test him for cognitive/memory issues. Also, dementia is really fully diagnosed by discounting all other possibilities, like UTI, vitamin deficiency, dehydration, stroke, tumor, etc. Since dementia is progressive and there's no cure for it, the only person who can now change is you. Start by educating yourself about dementia so that you have proper expectations about your interactions with him. Teepa Snow has some great videos on YouTube that will teach strategies on how to do this. Otherwise, you should just consider moving out and having your Father either hire aids during the day or transitioning into a facility. One of the things dementia does is rob people of their ability to have empathy for others, so he *won't care* what his words or actions do to you. His brain is broken. You're the adult in the room now, so you will need to be the one to decide going forward.
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Summer1957 Feb 13, 2025
Thank you for sharing.
I am an only child, my Mother passed away several years ago.
Honestly, I can not live here if he has dementia, he has anger issues to the point where I become afraid of being in the same room. So if it comes to that I will remove myself all together,
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This is very very common with elderly homebound people. They do not have their own activities but still want something to converse about with others, so your life becomes the topic by default. If the family members he's talking about are also elderly homebound people, they're probably doing the same.

My cousins used to laugh sometimes about how we knew random trivial information about each other because our parents were gossiping (harmlessly) about it.

So if you don't want something shared, don't tell him.

There can also be the element of not respecting you as an adult because you're his child living in his house, and he's going to show you who's in charge. Unfortunately that's also common, especially with fathers.

So is it just this one issue of him telling him things without your permission, or is there a bigger issue of you living there not working out? Was this screaming and threatening you a one-time issue, or is it a frequent pattern?
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If you don't like it then just don't tell your dad your business, or better yet move out. That way you can have all the "personal space" you want/need.
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You live with him? You know what they say? "My house, my rules". Parents with whom you live as a grown child often do not consider you fully grown up.

Now if you are his caregiver, and he has dementia, you have another answer at hand; he isn't completely in control of his own cognition.

I think that it would be a good idea to tell him simply that you are leaving, and leave your phone number with him for emergencies (if he is capable of being left alone.)

I am thinking, if this is the worst issue? Then you are doing REALLY well and should be congratulated on that.
Gest of luck.
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Summer1957 Feb 12, 2025
Thank you
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You are thinking like a normal adult. Your dad at 92 does not think like you do. If the people he is telling are neighbors, I can assure you that they are watching you and your dad like a hawk to see what you are doing and where you are going. They want to make sure that while you are gone they can watch where you live in case your dad falls or has an emergency. You might want to encourage your dad to say things like "they have a Dr's Appt" instead of "They are going to a Shrink appt". One of mom's neighbors constantly monitors all the comings and goings at my mom's place to point that they know most of my clothing (by color pattern) and has told my mother which shirts I own that she likes.
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Summer1957 Feb 12, 2025
just to summarize, I agreed to live with him so I could help him with the grocery shopping and other errands.
he’s on oxygen 24/7.
I believe my personal business should be mine and mine alone. Just say’n.
no neighbors are involved just his side of the family.
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Just don't tell Dad your plans. You may need to find your own place to live soon, even rent a room somewhere. If you want privacy, that is your only solution.

He's 92 years old and used to having his way. It's his house and he feels he can do what he wants. He's being rude, but thinks he is entitled to boss you around. He has no life and probably enjoys talking about yours. Keep the chat about the weather, food or similar everyday subjects. Sports is a good topic.
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Summer1957 Feb 12, 2025
Thank you.
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You live under his roof, so dad calls the shots in his estimation. Which makes it a mistake to cohabitate, imo, when you're being threatened with eviction when he gets a wild hair.
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Summer1957 Feb 12, 2025
Thank you
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Clearly, dad isn’t changing except to worsen at his age. He’s not the first to enjoy having a bit of news, no matter how small, to tell. That leaves your choices as accepting his behavior, telling him nothing of your plans, or leaving and living elsewhere. Look for his unreasonable behaviors to increase if a dementia is at work
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