If you look back over my answers, comments, questions, etc. you probably are tired of seeing my username. I try not to be a "know-it-all" or one that gets too angry if someone is discriminating against a person with a disability. I have had BIG lapses with both of these goals;)
Anyway, for those who do not know me from this site, I will try to catch you up about my situation:
1) Almost 52, widowed, no kids, own my home that I built an addition (2003) on for my mom who was 80 at the time.
2) I have two older brothers that both live out of state and have both lived out of state since 1979 when my Dad committed suicide.
3) Mom has 5 grandchildren. She has not spoken to them, nor heard from them since their births. (This past March, one grandchild spoke 4 hours to her by herself.)
4) Three years ago, both older brothers (along with her niece) decided I was no longer 'capable' to keep our mom safe, keep myself safe, and tried (unsuccessfully) to move mom to my brother's house. The quote I heard from middle brother in 2013 was, "I have talked to my friends here in NC and they all agree that mom is old now (90) and you are certifiably mentally ill by the State of CT, so mom would be better off living with Dick and Dawn in NH." A BEAR WAS AWOKEN! That comment from Oswald pushed me over the edge. My mom knew exactly what was going on from Day 1. Her problem: She never spoke up. Not one word. When she did speak up, she told them one thing and yelled at me the "truth" that was the EXACT opposite from what she told them. Many examples, but I won't bore you.
5) Lawyers brought in. (mom's doing) Mom spent $50,000 and I spent $25,000 to win. We won. What I mean by "won" is that I am now POA (alone). I am now the person who makes ALL health care decisions (alone). I am the only one on the will. (her 100% decision, but I am 100% sure both brothers would declare, "you manipulated, coerced, and brainwashed mom into turning her against us." I am the only one of the life insurance policy. All MOM'S decisions. Most importantly, a NEUTRAL party is in charge of the family money, NOT one of the brothers. Thank you, Lord.
6) I was diagnosed with bipolar in 1995. I kidnapped a child I thought was being sexually abused by her father. I was in the middle of a FULL MANIC EPISODE. I was immediately arrested 21 years ago, this month, my life changed from a successful businesswoman, meeting a man I had hoped to marry someday, and, I thought, the support of my family. I didn't know the support was "with exceptions".
7) My mom and I no longer talk to either man (mom says, "they aren't men, they're rats". My mom hasn't seen either one or talked to either one for about 3 years next month. I am being blamed 100% for the split in our family. I am the one who ran this family into the ground. I am the "crazy one". I am the one certifiably mentally ill. (I was only "mentally ill" for the first 15 years, once I decided I needed to collect benefits for my illness, I became CERTIFIABLY mentally ill) I could have collected years before, but I was too ashamed and too embarrassed to become "certifiably mentally ill". Same person, same strengths, same love and support for my mother, same weaknesses, same outspoken personality, SAME PERSON.
8) Ozzie (younger of the two) and I used to have a good relationship. We used to laugh together. We used to talk about movies. We both supported Red Sox Nation. He respected me. (Me not as much toward him;(
He used to be my hero, my big brother, the one I idolized, THE PERSON of THE YEAR. That changed around my birthday in 1979. I was 15 and he was around 18. He was in my room, made a VERY stupid joke about Dad hanging himself, and then went on trying to convince me that "Dad did the best thing he could do for this family." "Come on, admit it, we will all be better off with him dead." How stupid was I when I said ...... no no no and then I finally "caved" and said...... "you are right."
9) The anger, resentment, pain, and sadness my mom has been going through over this family split is destroying me. It has destroyed her and her spirit. She yells at me daily about them. But she can't yell or say anything to either of them.
What is a primary caregiver to do??????
I will read AND respond to any suggestions ANYONE can give me!