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Point being I thought people suffering from dementia changed their minds and their moods all the time and forgot things. My mother has decided again that I've done something horrible to her and I'm holding her hostage IN HER OWN HOUSE. She keeps saying "I hope you go back to being nice" and when I tell her I'm not doing anything and try to change the subject I've tried all the "how to deal with your demented parent". Changing the subject, being nice, leaving the room for an hour or two and wait for her to 'change' if only for a moment. It doesn't work anymore. She still has this big grudge against me for all I've done wrong and stubbornly sits there like a pouty storm cloud. . She accuses ME of creating tension in the house. Last night I was eating dinner and she goes "I hope you stop this". I'm like "I'm not doing anything I'm eating dinner". She says "I'm talking about before." I guess she blames me for her dementia. We've been having live ins since my surgery 7 wks ago and everyone of them just shakes their head. One even asked her to please stop because I wasn't doing anything. (of course she's gone because according she was horrible and said horrible things to her) What do I do when everything I've tried doesnt' work?

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Oh blimey, you poor thing. I was sitting in a traffic jam once, three of four cars back from the junction where there was a snarl up, just listening to the radio and gazing blankly into the distance like you do. The driver responsible finally made his turn, and as he went past my open window he looked directly at me and shouted "and you can f*** off as well!" I hadn't said or looked a single thing, honest. Completely not guilty. I have no idea why he yelled at me.

So I suppose, similarly, this is about a release of tension or emotion that is absolutely nothing to do with anything you have ever said or done. Good news, you've nothing to feel guilty about. Bad news, there's nothing you can put right. Hideous.

How long has she been doing this? Do you think it's connected with the interruption in her care when you were having your surgery (hope you're recovering well, by the way)? Other than hoping that it's a passing phase, if she's just got an idée fixe in her head based on some fictional narrative I'm not sure there's a lot that would change it. How much longer do you think you can put up with it? Apart from the aides, is there anyone else who can visit who seems to get her out of this foul mood?
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I agree with Pam. There MAY be some medication that can help reduce the anxiety/tension/aggression. I hope Mom is being followed by a dementia specialist and that you can discuss this behavior with him or her.
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I have the same problem with my husband - the more frustrated he is about himself and his problems, the more he blames me, without making any sense at all with the reasons except that I treat him like a child and am too busy doing other things and not paying enough attention to him. Hoping to get us to a senior center where he can focus on other things and people to take his mind off what I cannot do to solve his dementia problems.
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If your mom is safe in the room alone I see no reason to sit with her if you don't feel like it.
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So should I just continue to stay in the room with her angry dementia?
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People with dementia can remember things well, particularly the negative things. My mother seems to forget everything I want her to remember and remember everything I want her to forget.

Kedwards, your situation reminds me of what goes on here. Many times my mother's behavior can give me an attitude, which I am sure she picks up on. Then she blames me for creating the situation. I know I was just responding to things she did or said, but to her I was the problem. We learn to respond to bad things they do or say by ignoring or walking away. But these things can be seen as hostility. It does create a tense atmosphere when it happens a lot. The only thing we can do is try to let the tension ease in ourselves and know we're doing the best we can.
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You know you haven't done anything wrong. Your mom's woven a story in her head and you're the bad guy in her story. It sounds like you've tried everything to fix it, how about ignoring it? Just go on about your day and pay your mom no mind. Let her pout. Hopefully she'll find something else to obsess over.
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Well I guess my 'saving grace' is that she's pretty disabled and can't get up and punch me. But her mouth goes pretty good! LOL!
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It's time to share this with her MD and get appropriate medication. If you can, snap a video with your cell phone and share this with the doctor. Do this soon because the angry phase can get to an aggressive phase.
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