What can I do if the person that assigned me as their POA is accusing me of taking money? - AgingCare.com

What can I do if the person that assigned me as their POA is accusing me of taking money?

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And another member of the family is causing the con.

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Does this person have dementia? Paranoia is unfortunately very common in many kinds of dementia. It usually doesn't last for the duration of the disease.

My husband's paranoia phase was the worst part of his dementia for me. (For him the worst things was giving up driving.) He accused me of stealing from him. (Nevermind that I was the wage-earner and all of our funds were jointly held.) One day I said, "I'm very sorry you feel that way. Would you like to examine a recent bank statement?" He spent a long time examining it closely (upside down) and then dropped that particular accusation for a while.

So the first thing I want to do is assure you that if this person has a cognitive disorder such as dementia these accusations are a result of the damage in the brain. Do not take them personally. (Very hard, I know from experience, but necessary.)

Secondly, keep meticulous records of all financial transactions, in case these accusation escalate to an outside party. APS, for example, is aware of the paranoia that can be behind false accusations and will listen to explanations backed up by documentation.

Please tell us what role another member of the family is playing. Is this person genuinely concerned about the person for whom you are POA, or has this person some ulterior motive?

Is there a secondary person named as POA if you stepped down?

More information will enable more specific suggestions. For now, try not to take the accusations personally and cya with careful documentation.
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My mother went through a phase of accusing me of things. I would just say, "I would never do that." It was enough for my mother, but if the paranoia is great, it may not work for you. One thing you can do is to have a witness for all the transactions you do on her behalf, such as keeping a sibling in the loop about how money is spent each month. That way you will have someone in your corner if your mother should make an official complaint about you. If it is too uncomfortable, you may need to resign as POA. That will leave your mother in a bad position of having to either appoint someone else if she is still competent enough or appealing to the probate court to assign a conservator. I hope that it doesn't get this serious. Caregivers have to watch out for their own interests while helping a parent. There have been instances where the APS has been called on innocent caregivers. Fortunately, this is rare, but still it is good to have all bases covered.
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