Refuses to go to the dr. or take meds, or eat, or accept help. Cannot use the telephone, thermostat, cannot process. Very stubborn, will not admit has a problem even when they fail a test that Dr. gav her. Help.

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Bucket, you sound overwhelmed and who wouldn't be?

It sounds like you need to prioritize and eating, as Jeanne says, is the most urgent. Can she swallow? Sometimes when people with dementia say "I can't eat" what they mean is that they can't swallow. Talk to her doctor about the eating issue, a swallow study may prove useful.

Will she drink a milk shake? Puddings? Other soft textured items? Those might be a place to start.
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Not much to add to the excellent initial advice above. Except maybe: remember that it is not just your wife who needs help - you need help, too, to keep both yourself and her safe and well. And you don't need your wife's permission for that. Ask around about what services are available in your area. Your doctor might be a good place to start. Best wishes to you, please keep posting.
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Bucket, it is very hard for the caregiver when the person does not think anything is wrong. Gladimhere is right. No amount of talking or reasoning is going to convince her that she is impaired. Her brain is damaged, and part of the damage is to her ability to reason.

Learn about her disease.

Take one struggle at a time. She refuses to eat. That sounds serious. Do you mean sometimes, or all the time? How long has this been going on? Have you been in touch with her doctor about this? Is she losing weight rapidly? Does she say why she will not eat?

The ultimate answer may have to be placement in a care center. But don't give up quite yet. Learn about her disease. Post about each specific care problem you have, so you can get input from others who have dealt with it. See if a little knowledge can help you help her to be more comfortable and you to be less stressed.
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She will not believe it. Most of them believe they are fine. We need to change our attitudes and lear to deal with the wide variety of behaviors coming our way. Denial of a problem or just not understanding there is a problem are hallmarks of dementia. Stop trying to convince her you will never be successful at it, but you will stress yourself out instead leading to illness for yourself.

In order to understand more about what Alzheimer's is there are many good articles on this site. Also check into Teepa Snow videos on Youtube.

And just breathe.
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