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I looked back on your past posts. 3 years ago the other siblings (all live out of the area) wanted to move her to live with one of them. Why didn't that happen?

You also wrote that they contribute financially. Is that still the case? What are expenses? Does you MIL have in-home help? I'm assuming she does not live with you.

I also read that your husband doesn't even make the decisions on her care.

Your MIL needs to live near those who make the decisions for her care.

Are any of the other siblings having their retirement accounts depleted? Are any of the in-law spouses have their retirement accounts depleted?

What is really going on here?
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Medsister Sep 2, 2019
All of her children and families cover the majority of her care in an upscale assisted living facility but actually needs full care. She qualifies for medicaid and this could have been handled differently. She requires someone to be with her at all times due to her many medical conditions. I think all of the family realizes the $4,550 a month fee for her assisted living can not be kept up for a long period of time but some can not make up their minds because they feel guilty or do not want extended family and friends to think badly of them. The worse part is she does not want to live anywhere besides with one of her childrens' families. Problem is all of her children and spouses are now over seventy years old and physically and probably mentally can not handle her care on a full time basis. Also all live in different states many miles apart. It is difficult for all involved in her care. One of her children has been making most of the decisions for her care and that causes conflict among the other children and their spouses. We are all just trying to cope as best we can.
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If she cannot afford to pay for AL then apply to Medicaid. Retirement rule #1 from an investment standpoint, is to never take any money out of these accounts until one at least reaches retirement age, then the money is there for you and your spouse, not your MIL.
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Medsister, are you paying for in home health Aids or Assisted Living? My hunch is you are doing either one because those don't take Medicaid. Its a tough situation to be in, either use up your money to pay for AL or Home Care or get MIL on Medicaid and place her in a potentially less desirable Nursing Home. I suppose you have to ask yourself if you feel its better to sacrifice your future comfort for your MIL and how you will feel about it 20-30 years down the road. GL!
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worriedinCali Sep 2, 2019
Medicaid pays for in home health aids and so do assisted livings however in some states AL won’t take Medicaid unless you’ve self paid for 2+ years
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Why on earth are you paying for her care with YOUR money?

Her funds should pay for her care. If she is destitute, then apply for Medicaid.
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OK, so you say its you and hubs accounts that are being used. Why?? Can you give us more info? I agree with Worried in Cali. Is she in any kind of assistance? If not, look into it!
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Reply to pamzimmrrt
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Not understanding if you mean her accounts, or your own. If her account, then that is what they are for, to pay for her care; when they are depleted she would have to go on medicaid.
If you mean your own accounts I am shuddering with despair. I hope not. Please come back and give us some details.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Does anyone have POA for her health and finances? If not you should and claim back your costs.
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My spouse's and mine
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worriedinCali Sep 1, 2019
WHY? Why would you deplete 2 retirement funds for your MILs care? What do you plan to live off yourselves? How will you pay for your own care?
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Hopefully you're not saying your retirement account. That wouldn't make any sense.
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Why are you guys paying for her care?

Her money should pay or she can apply for public assistance.

Who is going to pay for you if you get sick and need care?
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pamzimmrrt Sep 1, 2019
So True!!
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Whose retirement account is being depleted?
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