Paying family members for caregiving. Any advice?

Jeff, male vs. female thinking - logic vs. not so logical. I know that well! What's the saying about being from Mars or Venus??

As to your response to Carol, excuse me for answering but I do want to issue some cautions. A social agency might offer guidelines on Medicaid apps and qualifications but wouldn't really be qualified to draft contracts (although I understand that's not what you're asking).

There are a couple alternatives, since contracts really should be prepared by attorneys.

Legal aide" in SE Michigan one law school has an elder law planning legal aide clinic, and there are a number of legal aid agencies. Some law firms also provide pro bono services.

Contact your local county bar association and/or find the number for any county bar association legal library. Ask the librarians for information on sample contracts suitable for family caregiving Medicaid compliance.

ICLE: Institute of Continuing Legal Education. The Michigan one has excellent seminars with excellent manuals. The courses are expensive but even if you didn't want to take one (and I'm not sure they would cover Medicaid rules), the cost of the manual would be cheaper than legal counsel.

Some law firms hold informal "seminars" in which they provide a lecture then Q & A sessions afterwards. You could pick up some tips at one of these.

Ask the Area Agency on Aging if they plan to hold their annual AAA Caregiving Expos anytime soon. That's also an excellent place to see which elder law attorneys are very active, offer free handouts with good advice, and may have free "seminars".

The only online source I would ever consider for guidance on forms is Nolo Publishing. I sought advice from their sites years ago and it was "spot on", exactly the kind of advice I'd expect from knowledgeable legal professionals (I've worked in a wide variety of legal practice areas over about 40 years +/- so I knew what I wanted when I did the research).

Good luck.

Thanks for the reply GardenArtist. I made it sound a lot easier than it actually is. I find it very difficult to communicate effectively with the sisters. I take the logical path; they go with emotion. Seems the two ways do not mix well.

Hello Carol,

Yes I know we need a contract. We needed it prior to the visit. But now have to do it retroactively. If possible I'd like to avoid expense for lawyer. Can you lead me to a sample contract? Or do you think a social agency worker in my area could help me determine what is needed to stay clean with regards to possible future Medicaid application?

Thanks,

Jeff in OH

Jeff, thank YOU for your quick response as well. You have a very logical, mature yet compassionate approach to caregiving, one I admire and one which is sometimes hard to achieve.

I now understand your position. And honestly I'm now not sure other than Carol's suggstions what I could offer as advice as this isn't something I've dealt with yet. But I am in favor of getting solid legal advice to plan for eventualities, and that's what I would recommend beyond researching Medicaid rules.

Elder law attorneys typically include Medicaid qualification if requested in counseling, so that would be my recommendation. You could tell your sister you're working on a legal way to compensate her, and that the method has to be done in such a way as not to present an issue with Medicaid qualification.

I've worked in law for years so I know the good attorneys in this area, but if I needed a reference, I would ask someone I respected, or would search the state bar association directory for elder law practice groups in my area, check out their websites, then contact them to get more information on their approach (as well as billing terms).

Wish I could offer you more advice but I know that Medicaid rules are tricky and must be adhered to religiously.

Good luck, thanks for sharing your situation and also demonstrating that families really can work together to care for their parents.

Thanks for the speedy replies. Mom is in independent senior apartment and we are just starting to provide care service for pay as recommended by the service manager. She is not on Medicaid but may be in the future. That is why I don't what to jeopardize qualification with the appearance of family gifts.

I didn't ask my sister to come up, but certainly did not object to a visit from her. Mom may have asked her. There was no discussion of compensation prior to the visit. This most recent visit I had to loan her airfare.

3 children, me and 2 sisters. Mom in OH. Youngest sister lives 5 miles away. Sister in FL. And me in OH 130 miles away. Younger sis visits often, almost daily, sometime multiple per day, usually short under an hour. Sister in FL not often. Years without a trip to OH. But twice this year since Mom has been ill. I typically see her about monthly. More often this year. I often time visits so I can transport her to doctor appointments. No compensation has been made before aside from Mom slipping a few bucks to younger sis or grandchildren for "gas money".

It may be inappropriate for older sis to ask for remuneration, but as steward of the meager funds the family has, I have to deal with it. We can afford to do it, but that will mean fund will deplete sooner. Once our resource is depleted, Mom will have to apply for Medicaid. She has made family gifts in the past which, to my knowledge, would disqualify her. I am attempting to curtail that.

So I need to know how to make payment to older sis and have it appear legitimate care expense and not a gift.

No, I am not paid or compensated and not really interested in receiving such. I do not like spending time on this. I am not wealthy but I am able to live on retirement income without assistance.

Thanks again for the advice.

Little more information please....your profile states that you're caring for your mother, that she's in a independent living facility.

Was your sister specifically asked to come and help out? If so, were any discussions had regarding reimbursement?

Are there other siblings, and if so, have they visited, with or w/o compensation?

If your sister came voluntarily, on her own initiative, I think it's inappropriate to now ask for remuneration.

And evning out the situation, are you compensated for your work?

I'm sorry that the answer above didn't quite address your question. I'd answered a similar question and unfortunately that answer copied rather than the one addressed to you. Still, the information may be useful to you in your situation since is comes down to the same thing - a contract.

Your specific question about paying back your sister could be done with a contract, I'd think. Specify what the money is for and why it was paid out for your mother's care. You should at least have it notarized. If you want to be very safe, see an attorney and have it done that way. Yes, it will cost a little, but it could be worth it for your peace of mind.
Take care,
Carol

If your mom is on Medicaid, which is likely if she's on disability, you could see if Medicaid will pay you a stipend for some care. State's vary on their rules for Medicaid so you'll have to check locally. The amount isn't likely to be as much as a full-time job but it would help.

Otherwise, if your mother has some assets, you could draw up a contract between the two of you and have it notarized, or see an estate or elder law attorney to have a contract drawn up. You want to do this legally so that if your mom does go on Medicaid they won't come after you for the money paid out. Since states can be so different, I'd strongly suggest going through an attorney who knows your state Medicaid laws.

Good luck,
Carol