I recently moved in with my 83yo father with dementia (and my 2 young children). I am not well versed enough to say what stage he is at. He can follow a conversation if you speak slowly and make simple decisions, but he had his license taken away and was not eating or taking his meds properly, leaving perishable food out to spoil, not cleaning, etc., so it was clear he should not be living alone. The things I do to help are: drive him places, help him write out checks (he has macular degeneration and likes me to do everything but sign), clean the house, cook, laundry, make dr appointments, and all the other little things that come along with day to day life.
He has not been declared incompetent at this point, but based on his declining mental state, that will probably happen at some point. We may not have to go down that road, as he made me a co trustee awhile ago, but I want to make sure I don't do anything to cause suspicion in either of my siblings, who are beneficiaries but not cotrustees. I have a good relationship with my brother, but my sister and I have never been close, so I worry about her becoming critical as time goes on.
I realize the importance of transparency if/when I become the only trustee. There is a clause in the trust stating the trustee should pay themselves whatever the going rate is, but it doesn't say anything about paying for the type of caregiving which precedes things that will need an actual nurse. Pretty much all my friends and my husband are telling me I should be getting paid for my work, but I have mixed feelings. I am doing this out of love, so I feel like I should not want any money. We live in the house rent free (by his enthusiastic consent), so I am wondering if that should be taken into account.
I would like some input on what might be a customary, modest amount I might suggest to to them or if it might be better to just not pay myself at all.
As an aside, I heard it might be possible to get certified as a home health worker for Medicare, but I haven't looked into that yet, so any knowledge of whether that is true or how to go about it would be welcome as well.