Can I pay myself a small salary for handling my Dad's finances?

It is interesting the different viewpoints..I handle my mother's finances..so has not impacted my life or livelihood and would not consider being paid for it. But for those who have had to quit jobs and give up their own lives and financial security...I think they have a right to be reimbursed from their parents funds...If available...medicaid qualifications not being considered. However..I believe we should plan to provide for ourselves...and parents money should be spent for Their care...not hidden away legally for the heirs. Medicaid funding is a taxpayer provided program for the POOR...and and many elderly are or become poor...for those who aren't. .why expect the taxpayers to take care of them. I think in some states medicaid will pay an at home care giver.

I too am a joint account holder with my father. I would never think of touching his money for my personal use. I'm going through something now with my youngest son. I found quite by accident that he has had dad sign for a mortgage on his house for a line of credit for my son's business. The only paper dad remembers signing is for my son's divorce, which was signed 3 months after the divorce. Upon questioning my son, I was told it's none of my business...........then I found the mortgage in my dad's name.........2 years later. Today I have an appointment with an elder attorney. As far as paying myself for helping my dad, not gonna happen. Like previous posters mentioned, he took care of me for many, many years. Now it's my turn to give back. Dad is 94 and starting to get forgetful.

I really not sure bit my brother is my moms poa and he takes money from her all the time I have a caregi I have a caregiver that comes and helps me with her she lives but my brother will not
I make him take her to her doctors I take groceries and because she has nothin I called social services and they do nothin home so my feelings are he's taking her money and she's getting nothin he has a check he has a check bo he is convinced by not to give her any money when I take he is convinced bank if not give her any money when I take her and if she needs groceries





it is so frustratin so we do without sim my mom has her mad and her food and whatever she needs

Lots of good replies showing how each feels about this. First I felt guilty for taking some money for taking care of my mom. Now, since she has dementia, I am the only signer on the family trust. We did meet with a qualified lawyer. He said I could spend the money any way I want. I don't want to abuse it, but we are taking care of mom 24/7 and providing for her every need. She is the center of the universe right now. My wife does almost all the work, especially the diarrhea clean up, which is about 2 episodes per week. We have to rent a different house because our "main" house is way too small for all of us. (1 bed) We can't do it for free. She doesn't want us to do it for free. She wants to live in a home and not a skilled nursing facility.
The trust provides for payments as I see fit. It also allows 5% of the estate per year. I could put her in a NH and she would NOT get the care she now gets. We don't drug her so she sleeps all the time. We do hear about old times and over and over but at least she is participating.
Don't go out and buy a new Caddy and say it is to take mom to the doctor once every 6 months. That's a bit extreme, don't you think. But do get paid for actual expenses and make them less than what a NH would cost. I don't feel guilty. I feel blessed. Blessed to have mom with us. No two situations are the same. "My situation is different" is always true.

A&A I really like your "its not about what you get when they dies, its about what you give when they are alive"! I plan on using it in big meeting with lawyers this week.

Interesting. Since it is a financial matter, I would ask an attorney. For many years I have wondered why at-home caregivers, many who had to give up a well paying job to care for a spouse, are not paid by an outside source. Professional help gets paid, organizational leaders get paid, millions of tax dollars are given annually with so many loopholes it is incredulous-- so why not at-home caregivers! I've heard where nieces, granddaughters are taking care of relatives and getting paid by various programs---but why cannot spouses receive the same benefits? Yes, there is bitterness. I had to quit a very good job 9 years ago to care for a spouse with Alzheimer's. I seem to ask more and more---are at-home caregivers being taken advantage of by the healthcare industry? Alzheimer patients basically sit around the house, take their prescribed medicine and vegetate while the caregivers work like dogs. Does the industry realize or even care what caregivers do!, Besides the daily worries, concerns and stress, we make certain medications are taken, nutritious meals prepared, cleaning done, washing clothes and sheets daily, paying bills, scheduling and keeping appointments, trips to the various doctor's offices, grocery shop, walking the dog--the list goes on. Caregivers basically give up their life to care for another. Friends no longer visit--communication is not enjoyable when a person doesn't know who they are, a dinner out is no more. Becomes embarrassing when the spouse throws food across the table. Daily arguments over the hidden TV remote found in the pajama drawer, dirty socks stuffed into shirt and pants pockets, hygiene at a standstill, flashlights strewn all over the house--at least 2 in every room in the event there is a power failure and when boredom really sets in, fun to scare the dog by shining a bright LDS light in his face. All this is met with denial---someone else did it! I'm so exhausted at night I barely make it to bed. And, I cannot help but keep asking--why are at-home caregivers not paid. Is this a life sentence?

Hmmm.. Duke & jfishe if your parents were still driving you to all your appts, cooking all meals, entertaining you, distributing daily meds, cleaning your room, showering, keeping their mouth shut so not to upset you, continually listening to you repeat things, explaining why friends and relatives don't come to visit, laying your clothes out, getting up in the middle of the night because you wet yourself and wiping your butt for 18 years then that's probably why you are still depended on them!!

It's time to cut the apron strings...

My parents chose to have me.. They also wanted me to grow up and support myself not them! How do I support myself when I am caring for my Mom 24/7..

You better be saving for your Elder years because you'll need the money for a nursing home..

I don't know if you have children but do you really expect them to give up their career and own family to financially support you?
I would never expect my children to financially support me it's humiliating and demoralizing...Have some respect...

Life's not about what you get when their dead.. It's about what you give while they're still alive...

My mom lives with us now. She pays $150 a month for room and board ($250 in the winter to help with the increased cost of heat for her room), but that's it. I pay any bills she incurs out of her account - it's just what I do.

My mom is living with me for over three years now. I don't take any money except for gas and her food. I would work part time if not for caring for her, but never thought of paying myself. I am worried about look back period as mom always gifted my brother and I money at xmas...no more per elder law attorney

I am handling my Dad's finances also and He often tells me if I need something go ahead and use his money, but I am careful not to take advantage of this. My dad and I live in separate homes and like Matt383 said all I do is review expenses and pay some bills for him.....I feell I don't deserve a salary for that. And Dukeblue 2004 echos my thought when I read your post-- which was Our parents didn't seek a salary for taking care of me during the beginning and first 18yrs of my life. They perhaps struggled financially and made sacrifices to care for me, How can I turn around and seek a salary to take care of then at the latter part of their life. It's time for me to repay the service.

If you are concerned about the "lookback" period you can forget the gifting idea.
If he needs to Qualify for Medicaid in the next 5 years, you will give it back.
I started gifting in 2009 and put it all in an account that I could't spend so if the five year lookback ever kicked in I could put it back.

As far as paying yourself for handing expenses......really?
If he was living with you that's one thing, but in a NH and all you do is review expenses and write some checks? shake it off.

I'm sure I'll get a heap of backlash for this, but I think our parents kinda paid us for that already. You know, by bringing us into existence and spending their savings and income on us for the first 18 years of our lives...for the most part.

You really need to seek out an Attorney for Elders that specializes with this sort of activity. My Mom recently was admitted to short term rehab and will be going to assisted living or long term. I was joint with her on her accounts for the last two years, however the attorney created a Personal Services Contract between my Mom and myself so that I could legally move all her assets in to my name. Seek out legal advice from the professionals before you create a situation that is irreversible and use his money for all the legal fees..