My partner's niece had emailed me ALL weekend in a relentless way asking me who was the back up Trustee. Advice?

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I told her that this question was not for me. As her uncle was the one she should speak with. It is a Revocable Trust and he can change it if he wishes. I asked her kindly if she does call him to be calm in her voice and not talk to him, the way she was talking to me in the emails. After two days, she called him. Within 2 minutes she was saying something that led me to believe that my Partner was upset. She told him.....SHE (me), is not even family and you two are not even married. She is filling your head with "thing". Well my partner was not about to take it and told her that she was no longer his niece if she could not trust him to make good decisions. He is not stupid and his mind is still solid. Oh sure there are short term memory issues, but they are limited. She then went on to email me and threaten that she will see to it that the TRUST is fulfilled the way her uncle wants it. WHAT? The trust is the Trust and it will be fulfilled. Then she went on to state to me that I was manipulative and had said things to him that were not true. Of course, she could not tell me what those things were. Then THE FAMILY WILL WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING. The ultimate threat. Well there are 5 family members who live in Germany and totally thank me for what I am doing. The two who live here, don't even call with the exception of this niece. My question...His Trust is straight forward and I am the Trustee and the POA MED and FIN. What can she do to mess up the trust if anything. My partner and I suffered terribly from this call and it will take a couple of days to get over it. 1. The house is already in my name. 2 all financial accounts claim me as the beneficiary 3. All personal property is mine. What have I forgotten?

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That could change things a bit! It could seem that she is a bad choice.

Oregon, could your partner, being of sound mind, take her off as back up and put some one else in place - like a professional person?

cwillie, I appreciate your fence mending comment (though I am not sure who other family are), and often that would be the best way. However there are circumstances where that is not possible. My narcissistic sister is backup POA and medical proxy for me in our family. I have been in a similar situation, though maybe not quite as bad, and I ended up cutting contact with her due to abusive emails and phone calls. I have no legal obligation to keep contact with her. Mother is still lucid enough to share what she wants to share with my sister. When the time comes that mother cannot communicate anymore, the facility staff will be her contact and share what is necessary. I am in communication with my niece to pass on some information. This is strictly being self protective in my part. I haven't seen the will and I don't care what is in it.

It is very unfortunate that it has come to this but my heath has suffered enough looking after mother, never mind taking abuse from my sister after a life time of it.

The niece sounds like a bully to me and I doubt that she will be pacified.
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Oregongirl, I am not married to my partner and I am his Trustee on his Revocable Trust, and vise verse.... and it is written that if I choose not to continue as his Trustee, that the Elder Law Attorney who drew up the Trust [or someone in the law firm] will then become the Trustee.... as I foresee in the future problems with his grown children. Let the children argue with the Attorney... would love to be fly on the wall if that should ever happen.
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Back in May you posted "Today, I sent an email to the person who is in second place per the TRUST should I decide I no longer wish to do this Care giving and Management of estate. I said: Just want to remind you that you are in Second Place if I decide to leave". You are now reaping the fall out from stirring things up last month. I don't know your history with his family, whether they liked you, disliked you or even thought about it at all, but You alarmed them enough that they are now on full offensive. I think you should be looking for ways to mend fences, not drawing battle lines.
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Oregon - I might go so far as to block her email addy and phone number - or - for a start - agree with your friend not to answer any more calls from her. She is harassing both of you. Your partner is not well and doesn't need this, nor do you.

You are "family" to your partner and it sounds like the only caring family he has. You are living common law or the equivalent. Here in AB Canada it is called “adult interdependent partners”. and is a partnership of any nature e.g. just friendship, or more, between any 2 adults who have lived together for 3 or more years, I think you mentioned on another thread that the state you live in has a similar law/ruling. I would check with your lawyer about harassment and the effect it is having on your partner and you and see if she can be sent a letter warning her to back off or a restraining order will be put in place - or something of that sort. Personally I don't care why she is doing it, only that she is stopped.

I agree that nothing should be discussed with her. Simply put - it is NONE OF HER BUSINESS and she can be told that.

Your lawyer has said you are covered. She is a bully who needs to be put in her place.
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Jessie, DOG SHE HAS IN RACE....NOT HE sorry
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Thank you ALL of you for your calming advice. Jessie...in answer to your question about what dog he even has in the race.....It was HER DAD, that my partner and I cared for until he died. She could not leave her husband and dog in Colo to come here and she said that she could not move her dad near her as she had promised not to move him from the Ocean. He had Alzheimers and within a week of moving, would have forgotten where he was even living. That was an excuse she had as long as she knew we were doing our job caring for her dad. I think her interference is due to the GUILT she is living with. While her father was alive, she received no less than $700 a month on one of his accounts. In turn, we received $30.00 NOW AND THEN, to cover our gas to visit him. I actually volunteered in the memory care unit where her father was housed to be around him more. Her father was married to my Partner's sister who died unexpectedly at age 52. My partner was caring for her father out of respect for his deceased sister. This is our payment. I guess she thought that she should be the Trustee as I am not married to my partner and I AM NOT FAMILY. Aside from her, all but 2 of my partners relatives live in Germany. They love me. They are so grateful for my care of their Brother. I am troubled by people like her. I just need to put it aside. I just wondered if there was something about TRUSTS that I just did not get.
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As a niece, I wondered what dog she even had in the race. Nieces aren't normally in the line of inheritance.
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You are protected unless your partner changes things.

When she emails you, do not discuss ANYTHING beyond how your partner is doing. Don't get into a bicker fest with her. Make a separate email folder for your conversations with her and move everything concerning her into it...sents and receiveds. And forget 'em.
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Life insurance and ira beneficiary is all I can think of. I think that both you and your partner have protected yourselves wisely. Like you need this with everything else you are doing. What do some people just not get??
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She can't alter the trust; she has no legal authority to do so. Your partner needs to stop allowing this meddling to affect both of your lives.
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