Taking care of parents who are deteriorating and won't leave their multi-level house for something more "friendly". Advice?

To start, check with your local area agency on aging and find out what resources are available locally. Have you talked to their doctor about what their care needs are! Frankly, us children? We know nothing. Doctors, social workers, often they are listened to.

I am so sorry. Can you get the one that is willing to move, to go w/o the other? They really need assisted living, with a nursing home attached.

Other than, that - my sister and I had to walk away and hope that it worked out. It did. Mother fell, went to the hospital and was never allowed to go home, again. Mother is 96 and very well, now that she is being taken care off.

Do not enable them, too much. Make certain they can call for help and make yourself scarce.

FirePretty, I am dealing with that same issue with my parents and their multi-level home. I believe my Dad would like to go to a retirement village but my Mom refuses to budge... I can't blame Mom [97] because she has lost most of her eyesight to macular but she still knows where everything is in their house... if they moved, she would be lost. They should have planned this all out a decade ago when they were more mobile and both were had fairly decent eye sight.... [sigh]

I agree with Chicago above, do not enable them too much. I was enabling until I realized my parent had no need to move elsewhere, I was there too much to help out. My parents can afford to hire help, now my Dad grumbles he has to pay someone.... well, far better he hire someone than me falling off a ladder at 68 years old :P

I've got a similar situation. I can discuss assited living with mom but dad with his dementia is stuck in 1970. Sadly it's probably going to take some sort of crisis to get them in care, and I'm just guessing who will be the first to go down. I may get mom into AL and have to somehow track dad into a very long visit.

My husband and I are in our mid-late 30s. His parents are 74 and 73. They currently have live in help but they cannot afford it. The in-home care will be leaving in a few months and we hope we have convinced Mom to move in with us. Dad is still under the belief that he can live on his own. He is losing mental capacities. We are concerned what will happen if we leave him in the house alone. We live about 20 minutes from them now so twice daily checks seems to be our current plan when mom moves in with us. Dad won't listen to reason and has no idea how far in the hole they really are. We are looking for resources to help us talk to him. He's completely closed off when discussing this stuff. There is some hesitancy in going to social services as we don't believe that will help. The fear with leaving dad alone is that he will just call repair men to come and do all the work, creating larger expenses that they can't afford.

I have been online at the local center for aging. It appears that all they have is support groups for dementia. Neither parent has dementia. I have sent an email, waiting on a reply. Since we are new to the area, I'm looking for a church. Hoping I may find someone there that might have more information regarding support groups.

I would read some of the threads on this forum before you move mom in with you in this fraught situation. Is dad expected to relent and join her? Why do you think dad doesn't have dementia? His inability to reason and see the results of his actions seems very typical of dementia. Has he had a full neuropsych workup, not just a memory test at the doctor's office?