My parents need to move to an assisted living facility but my sister will not agree. What should I do if I am their primary caregiver? - AgingCare.com

My parents need to move to an assisted living facility but my sister will not agree. What should I do if I am their primary caregiver?

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appointments ,etc. Father is in and out of nursing home so while he is there I visit with him,do his laundry,bring him things he likes to eat to put in his fridge.Bought him a new electric razor,split the cost of the fridge for his room. He will be going home next week and he said to me at the doctor yesterday he would like to go into assisted living {They have a home and can no longer take care of it. }he just wants to enjoy his last time he has. He is 83 years old. My mom is alone when he is in the nursing home. He came home once before and only managed to stay for about a month, then he got so weak, he had to go back.He will be coming home next week. I don't think my mom is capable of caring for him. She is 78 and has heart trouble. She listens to my sister that she doesn't want them to sell their house.I can't keep doing this on and on. I have a family also.My sister works so I do all the running around and will have to move my Dad again. I just feel torn!What should I do?

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We have a program in our area that my Mom and Dad go to Monday - Friday, it's called Life. At Life my parents see a physician everyday, there is physical therapy available, activities, they get bathed and fed, but most importantly they get to interact with others their age. Sometimes these facilities are called Elder Day Care.
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Mytime, If their house is paid for, then I don't see the problem with just letting it sit till at least the market gets better. But if your dad wants to downsize, who is your sister to tell him otherwise? So take your sister with you and look at some asst. living places, you and her decide which ones look good for your folks to take a tour though. Get her in the loop so to speak, and make strides towards the move. If your mother has let your dad decide things like this during the course of their marriage, then remind your mother that it's her husband and her, not their children making these kind of decisions. Asst. living is better if they are still active enough to enjoy the activities that those places offer, not when they're sick and unable to. Believe me, it'll be MUCH easier to make the move now, then when your dad can't and you have to blast your mother out of her house. Do it.
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Well I have seen this a thousand times and I know it is a very hard situation to handle. The number one goal though should be the care of your father. The best thing that I can tell you to do is ask your sister if she would go with you to tour some places for dad. It may make it easier for her if it’s just the two of you. Just take your time and it will all work out.
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A lot of the assisted living facilities in our city have social events and entire families can participate to learn more about the facilities. Call around and ask the facilities if you can schedule a visit and ask about social events. Helping your sister and your parents become familiar with the facility that best suits your needs can be helpful in making the decision.

The facility we chose allows residents to take their own furniture and they have a key to their own rooms. Some facilities allow potential residents to live there 1-2 months to decide if they would like to stay. If you can muster the funds that might be a way to convince your sister also. We used a home equity loan for the first couple of months because we were not sure Mom would stay after the move.

She is actually healthier in assisted living because she takes her meds as prescribed, she eats better, she doesn't worry about bills and other household issues. I have more time and more peace of mind, but I am still a very involved caregiver. SHE does not want us to sell her house, but we must.

I hope you find a workable solution. I only have 1 brother and he, like me, is sad that we have had to make this decision but he spent 1 week with her and realized it was necessary. Just the medication management was overwhelming to him not to mention the driving issues, wandering, and forgetfulness.
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Then they shouldn't sell the house. BUT, you don't have to do all of the running around. Hire some help. If they don't have the money for this help, then tell your mom to tell your sister that they need a reverse mortgage. Your sister can look into that and help them with it.

Right now your sister gets her way. Your parents keep the house and you do all of the work. Side with your dad and hopefully your sister will change her mind.
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