Follow
Share

My parents are in pretty good shape physically, but not mentally. The dementia units I looked at made me run the other way. Yet, they need help due to downward, continual memory losses. Where do I turn for help with decisions?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ellenjay, if one of them was a wartime veteran, they can both get aid from the VA. Go to va.gov and look for Aid & Attendance. A huge help to get the best facility. Use a benefits consultant, they are free and will save your axx.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Try to figure out how long their money would last them in assisted living. They seem healthy by your description, so will probably live a longer time. Then talk to them when (I hope) they have a moment of clarity about what they would want. Also check and see if the facility will take Medicaid, Medicare for which services. If they do, then having them remain in the familiar place might make sense. However, I think most places don't. You might want to write down the choices, the pros and cons, and leave a copy with your parents. They can look at it over a couple days. Also, do contact Aging Services and get their expert advice about what situation might be best for the long run. Good luck with this.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Two siblings, one out of town and one working in town. My parents are 88 and mainly my responsibility. They are declining in memory faster than their bodies are declining. They are in independent living now, but assisted is double the cost in their building and I wonder if it is worth it or not (for what we would get). Another facility I like would give them just one room with their bed, and chairs and a little bit of furniture, but it is very nice there and closer to me, as well as less money for assisted living needs. It would be a more difficult transition now, but the place seems better as more care is needed. It is just so hard to know what to do!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

You might also want to consider Assisted Living facilities in addition to the memory care facilities. In general, the ALs have a higher functioning population and may be more home-like for your parents. My mom lives in an a retirement community that offers independent living, AL, Advanced AL and is adding a memory care wing. I feel comfortable knowing that my mom can move to a higher level of care without moving to a new facility and dealing with all the visits, interviews and paperwork involved with that. Your local area agency on aging (also called Aging Partners in some locations) can provide a list of appropriate places for your parents.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Also, if they are physically well, consider a live in helper if they can afford it. They might be happier in their own home with "some help", and someone to drive them to store, senior center, etc.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

If you can afford it, I would definitely look for a geriatric care manager in your area. You can find one at caremanager.org These are professionals, (social workers, nurses, etc). who can provide guidance, support and point you to local resources, and help you plan for long-term. Even speaking to one for an hour could save you many hours of confusion and money as well. You are in my prayers.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Ellen, Do you have sibs? Perhaps they can assist or be a sounding board for your thoughts. As to the memory care places, I felt the same way as you. It was finally the 11th place I visited that I selected. It wasn't advertised on- line nor do they participate in the groups that help you find a place with no charge to you. (The facility pays the fees so if they don't participate, they aren't suggested!) Others on this site may be able to offer ideas. But you need to expand the information on your profile or add to the question or add your comments as an answer on this thread. What are the ages? What area of the country do you live in. How close do you live to them? What types if issues are they experiencing, etc.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

It is key to have tPOA's in place BEFORE the dementia diagnosis.....
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Ellenjay, you should consult with their doctor right away. The doctor can give a diagnosis of dementia, after which you should immediately contact a lawyer (see if you can find one who specializes in elder care issues) and obtain power of attorney (POA), both financial and medical. Without the POA you legally have no right to decide about their medical care or their finances. Having the POA in place does not mean you have to invoke it just yet, if you feel things are not to that point, but you will have it in place when the day comes you need it. For ongoing advice, this is a great site to pose questions but also talk to their doctor and consult your local Office of Aging. Dementia can progress slowly over years, or progress rapidly, so it is best to be prepared. Best of luck to you.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter