My parents need my help, and would be heartbroken if I "put them away", but I'm getting married in September. I’m not sure what is best for my parents, my future husband, and I.

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My parents live with me. Mom is diagnosed with metastatic cancer and isnt doing well. She needs someone to be around just in case. My dad has Parkinson and dementia. He used to rely on my mom for his needs but i took over that responsibility. I am getting married in Sept 2010 and dont know how my parents will do without my help. The two look forward and live for being around family (they do not like being alone- they are afraid of being forgotten/left alone). They are middle eastern, doesnt speak English and would be heart broken if i 'had them put away' or they no longer live with me. I'm not sure what is best for any of us. Suggestions?

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Is your mother on Hospice care? They could help her with many things, from pain management to some in-home care. They also would be a good source to ask about local help for your dad, especially if your mother passes on. You'll already have professionals involved, so that is a first step.

You also may want to go to http://www.parkinson.org/ which is the National Parkinson's Foundation for information and pointers to help your dad.

Good luck with this. I've spent my life being pulled between needs of people I love, and it's hard. We have to remember that we need to carve out a life for ourselves, too, or we get sick. It's very hard to find balance.
Please check back to hear from others who can help give you emotional support.
Carol
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I'm curious, in the middle eastern culture when the parent gets ill, is it expected for their children to take care of them? I know in the Asian culture it seems to fall to the boy and his wife. I'm wondering if it's supposed to fall to the children, then what does your fiance say about your future and that possibility?
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Nahrain - Reaching out to hospice is an excellent idea and, provided it's prescribed by a doctor, should be covered by your mothers insurance or medicaire/medicaide. It's a long shot but, for long term care of your father, can you search for assisted living homes that cater to people of the same ethnic background, language or religion? I know of two families in the Seattle area who brought grand parents from Asia - one pair each from China and Korean. One family found a complete nursing home and the other a residential care facility. Both sets of grandparents felt less isolated and found much comfort with people who spoke their "first" language and cooked familar food. It was especially important since neither set of grandparents became really fluent in English and they seemed to forget it as they aged. They might forget family but they won't forget their language!

I'm of Italian heritage and also grew up with the sense of obligation to family and "take care of your own" principles. It makes it especially hard to move parents out of the home but you must consider your long term financial outlook and in this day and age, it's really hard to save for our own old age if we spend years tending to others with no financial support.

Best of luck to you. You're a good daughter!
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