Anyone with elderly parents who make unreasonable demands?

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I am an avid cyclist and live with my elderly mother. When I am already in the process of taking a shower, or getting dressed in my biking attire, or about to head out on a ride. It somehow triggers her to want me to do something that necessitates my getting off my bike. Groceries not included, today I told her what she wants(a movable plant/tree today) wouldn't cause the Stock Market to crash, the house to burn down, the car to fall apart, or the heat to go out. I moved the plant after I had come back and changed. Because the plant would have ripped my biking attire. Had I moved the plant, when she wanted.

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Years ago, my MIL ended up in the hospital because she had passed out at home. We asked, and the doctor asked what she had been doing that day. "Nothing unusual". She asked me to go to her apartment and get some bills she had written out that needed to be mailed.

When I got there, i saw atop her dr table a pile of wooden slats, the type used to make wooded panelling in a room. Several bundles, must have weighed 50 lbs...in a Home Depot bag. I went back to the hispital and asked about them. " oh yes, i brought them home yesterday. Had to walk with them to the busstop (three blocks), but i got them fine. (This was in July, 90 degrees out, she's 78 with copd. Couldn't see that there might be a connection between the exertion and the hospitalization.

We set her up with a car service account to be used for trips like this.
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Chris, your mother moving the bookcase is a bit of a worry.

I wondered if it might be an idea to give her a firm commitment of when whatever she wants doing will get done. But actually, if she's started doing stuff like that, I'm not sure how much longer you can expect reasoned discussion to work.

I hate to say it, but it could be that "unreasonable" no longer applies. Don't expect her to be reasonable if she's passing, or has passed, the point of being capable of reason.
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Dustien, I have been. I will decide if I agree if her demand is reasonable.

freqflyer, Yes, It is exasperating. Especially when she tries to guilt me into doing something.

Carla, Exactly!

windytown, Yes they are.

CaringRN, She needs to make a list of things she needs done. But one of them is a reminder to make a list of the things she needs done.
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windy, when my mom lived with us for 3 yrs (3 YEARS!), structured schedule was not the word! I guess it helped that back then she was an extreme nightowl, who often stayed up until 5am - once saw a mountain lion on top of our 6'x10' dog cage (which had 3 kittens in a large cage inside the big dog cage) trying to reach down and get thru the chain link; for some reason, she never thought to tell us until about a year later, when I put one of those cats out in the cage alone and he screamed until I gave up and took him in - no wonder, who knew? (she did). The nightowl thing bugged my husband no end because he had to be somewhat quiet, but at least she wasn't demanding service when she was asleep most of the day....
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mally1, It does get better, definitely. When mom lived with us I was on call 24/7 and up before dawn as that was her choice, certainly not mine. It's too long of a story to tell on this thread. Basically she wanted to run our household according to her structured schedule.

So yes, there is freedom in that aspect. Being able to sleep according to your own needs is a blessing.

AL has been positive on my end. On my mom's not so much. When I stepped back and looked at the situation, she was not happy here with me and complained about everything too. There is no pleasing her. I can't turn back time 20 years when she was happy at home with my dad. (She complained all the time then as well. :()

No AL is perfect which is why we have to be vigilant for our loved ones. My mom just won't rely on them for simple things which drives my batty.
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windy, you mean it doesn't get better if they go to AL? Aaargh.....
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Mally, she is putting the guilt twist in when she calls someone else. When my mother does something like this, it makes me feel like the terrible daughter in the eyes of the world. I wonder if the other person is wondering why I didn't do it for my poor sweet mother. If they only knew. :)
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Absolutely! It takes all day long to run errands with her, go over the list, asking repeatedly if she needs to stop anywhere else, ect, ect. Get ready to go home & hear YOU forgot to get me this & I'm completely run out. UGH!😖
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My mom in AL gets upset when she runs out of Kleenex on her tray and has to ask a caregiver to get a new one out of the closet. "I had to ask one of the girls!". Well, good for you mom. I'm the workhorse that keeps her 100 demands of stuff stocked every week. It's sooo frustrating that they are so insular.
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Carla and Jessie; well, you made me laugh! If I say no to my mom, she calls up someone else (7pm and dark out) and pays them to do it, but at least I didn't have to; isn't that awful?
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