whats the most difficult thing? My dad is 83 and has dementia although he is still active and physically able. he can be stubborn but usually can be won around by bossing him or by cajoling.
My mother is 87 and a total nightmare, but she is terrified of how my dad has become. she has a difficult personality, a persecution complex and narcisstic behaviours.She is untrusting and suspicious. I can predict some of the issues ill have with her but its a huge decision and I may have to give up my part time job to do it. I would have support from my siblings but the day to day care and practicalities as well as the day to day difficulties will be my burden. My parents have been very good to me and I feel its payback time now .but im scared of the unknown terriortory,. any advice appreciated. negative or positive welcome. thanks everybody!
I appreciate that you want to care for your parents but you don't owe them just because they raised you.
Taking care of one elderly person is a full-time job. Taking care of two needs more than one person helping if you don't want to go crazy.
You will have to quit your job. And give up your life. If you're married your marriage may not survive. If you have kids they will resent the time you spend caring for your parents. You and your siblings may get along fine now but try not to count on their support as time goes on. However, you may be one of the few whose siblings are supportive. I had a supportive sibling but that's not the norm.
If your parents are able to go into an assisted living facility that's what I would suggest. Caring for then in your home may look good on paper but you have no idea what you're in for. Today your dad is a lovable curmudgeon, tomorrow he's throwing food at you and pooping in his pants.
And your mother is a nightmare now? Magnify that by 100 and that's what you're getting.
If you can possibly get an alternative arrangement for them then do that. And please take the time to read through the posts on this site. If caregiving weren't such a huge burden this site wouldn't be necessary.
You're right, it is a big decision. And this site will be here for you if you decide to take the plunge and move your folks in. Think very carefully.....