Parents live in a dementia and Alzheimer's community. Can the staff separate them? What are their rights? -

Parents live in a dementia and Alzheimer's community. Can the staff separate them? What are their rights?


My parents live in a dementia and Alzheimer's community in Minnesota. My parents have been observed recently by staff verbally abusing each other and occasionally hitting each other. The staff are looking to separate the parents. My parents have been inseparable since retirement for over 20 years ago. The family believes that to separate the parents may drastically diminish their will to live. We are very concerned about the possibility of having to separate our parents. I am guardian to the parents. Can the staff separate the parents without my consent or force the parents to move out. What are the parents rights?



Everyone is different but one of the reasons my mom was moved to AL was to SEPARATE my parents. My father is a spoiled narcissist and it made him angry that mom could no longer wait on him hand and foot. He neglected her care (granted I doubt she wanted him in her personal business) and violence had already happened. When she walked to the car for the last time she looked around and said she’d NEVER come back to that house. I take her word for that and she is SO MUCH happier at AL!!!

They’re married 66 acrimonious years. Dad’s a WWII sexist infant at 89 YO & Mom’s an 86 YO independent feminist. MY childhood was one of their background bickering like elevator music. But I will not allow my mother to be harshly treated when she’s become helpless.

Dad visits mom at AL about three times a week. The other clients asked my parents if when dad could no longer keep up with things would he move in mom’s room. Both of them simultaneously said “NO!”.
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Reply to HolidayEnd

I also live in Minnesota. (after this winter, wondering the wisdom of that!) Anyway, PM me sometime as we might have some info to help each other.
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Reply to Karsten

CWillie's insight is very good. Perhaps separations during the day can be breaks for both of them. Activities staff might be able to help, taking one to an activity while the other rests in the room, visits the library or engages in another activity. Same thing could be done at meal time, by introducing them to others so they can begin to make friends and decrease any isolation that exists.
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Reply to GardenArtist

A facility can evict anyone the feel is being disruptive or whose needs are beyond what they are willing to accommodate. If they are being physically and verbally abusive to each other then they are obviously getting on each other's nerves, a little more time apart could be a good thing. Perhaps separate rooms is the answer or just a little more separation during the day, work with the facility to come up with a plan and be willing to be flexible. I've mentioned before of a couple I knew who were in the nursing home together, as she became bedridden he became angry and violent with her lack of ability and they finally had to be separated for her safety.
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Reply to cwillie