My parents ages 90 and 86 are really having trouble at night. Any advice?

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I need some support. Mom is really weak. She either falls out of bed or falls using the potty. She doesn't walk very much and her legs are weak. Daddy is strong but when he has to pick her up, it hurts his back. Last night, she "fell out of bed" and Daddy had to pick her up with his feet. He can't afford night care. They have a caregiver during the day until 4:00 each evening. Please give me some ideas.

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Redhead, friendly beds have supportive systems in somewhat of a framework around the bed, with poles and some assistive devices to help people hold onto something and provide stability.

Commercial links are usually deleted if posted here, so just Google "friendly beds" and you'll see examples.

I'm wondering if your parents ate dinner earlier, if there might be less need to get up at night, as that seems to be the "falling hour". I don't know of anything offhand but I'm wondering also if there's a way an alert system could be used to wake up your father at these times. Maybe something like a pressure sensor that indicates a shift in your mother's position, or battery operated sensor on the edge of the bed where she'd had to move to get up out of bed?
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FriendlyBedGuy, thanks so much for your helpful answer. What exactly is a "friendly bed?" Most of mom's falls happen at night when she's up to use her bedside potty. Dad helps her but sometimes, she doesn't wake him up and that's usually when the falls happen. She doesn't get her balance before she starts to move and down she goes.
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Common situation- elderly couple with the caregiver spouse only a hair better than the other one- if the caregiver gets injured everything falls apart. People living at home as long as safely possible is a good thing but there are costs involved. Could be paid help for assistance. Could be OT/PT needed to maintain one's abilities. Should have an OT evaluate the house to make suggestions on what may be needed. Where/how are the falls occurring? What assistive devices would help the situation? We get calls all the time and have to drill down to details before making suggestions. Bed area falls are common because of the time spent there- being weak, dizzy, sleepy, and in the dark makes a bad combination- and if UTIs are involved bathroom visits become more frequent/dangerous. Items like Superpoles or Friendly Beds can provide assistance to aid in standing and maintaining balance and often a commode is placed right next to the pole for additional stability in using the commode. Please get hold of me if I can offer suggestions to anyone.
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I'm so sorry to learn of your uncle's death. What a challenging time this is for you! I hope you're able to take some time out periodically to just relax - there's just too much going on in your life now.

As to your older son, it sounds as if he's making some bad decisions; there's only so much you can do and if you don't have bail money, you just don't have it. Perhaps being incarcerated until his hearing will help him see the light and help him rethink his behavior.
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He has done a lot better lately with decisions for her. There was a time whereas I had to fuss at him and remind him about what she needs. My Grandmother (his mom) was so stingy that she would hide the candy when me and my sister went there on Christmas day! So, Daddy gets it honestly! I've advised him that if mom falls and breaks another hip, it'll be a lot worse! When he fusses, I just remind him that it's better than her not being here. That seems to hit home with him! It's SO exhausting mentally for me! And NOW, my uncle (mom's only living sibling) passed away yesterday.... We have decided not to tell her because she just might concentrate on that instead of eating and getting her strength back. In addition to all of this, my older son is now in jail (AGAIN) and has called me to get him out. I don't have the money to post bail and I'm an absolute mess! Honestly, I'm not sure how much more stress I can take! I'm sorry for whining! I know there are others who are going through much worse!
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You say your dad has gotten very forgetful and mistrustful lately. He also has dug his heels in about your mom's care. Is there any point that you would consider his position unreasonable and unsafe?

I would have to take more action. It sounds like he's not dealing with it well and isn't putting your mom's needs first. I think I would have to step and advocate on her behalf.
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My mother used to fall a LOT. In Los Angeles, where she lived, one could call 911 and ask for 'the lift service" ..EMT's would arrive , lift her, check her out, and leave.. A time or two they transported her to the hosp. for observation..There was NO CHARGE for this, however they don't rush out as they do when you call with medical emergencies.
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Great idea! I'll check with them! Thanks so much!
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militaryredhead, check with the ambulance service to see if they bill Medicare.... and if the $500 is for transport to the hospital, and not for a fallen elder who doesn't need transport.
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Just thought of something else that could cause falls when she gets up: orthostatic hypertension. BP can drop rapidly if someone gets up too fast, sometimes head lightness or dizziness occurs. My father used to have that problem. Even if she gets up slowly and her BP drops quickly, she might be susceptible to losing her balance.

This issue of nonparticipative siblings has been discussed so frequently here. I'm leaning toward the position of being more aggressive and asking them specifically how, not if, but HOW they can help out.

Don't your parents have Medicare? It pays for ambulance service. As many times as I've called 911 for my father, he's never had to pay a cent.
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