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Whispered it to me. No support for my dad. They won't change doctors.The doc will not address the issue with them. He prescribed coconut oil for memory problems. Dad won't consider another doctor. Mom is in what it obviously mid-range Alzheimer's. My dad can't cope. I'm trying to help but I can't move in. Don't know where to go to find out what home care they can afford. They need someone to clean, cook sometimes, remind her to take her meds and keep her company when he can't take it any more. Help!

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Doc does not think Dad can take the news, so he gave it to you. Maybe it is being left up to you to arrange the help in care he will need for Mom as her condition progresses. If there is a geriatric SW available in the practice, use them: if not, start with your local Area Agency on Aging. It may be time for you to start looking to see how their finances are and getting papers in order.

To say the least, to whisper the news to you and then offer no help dealing with it is not fair to you at all. I have no idea why they assume we understand when the territory is all new to us and the emotions are overwhelming, but it happened to me A LOT.
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A primary MD would have to refer her to a Neurologist who runs extensive tests to identify Alzheimer's. Has this been done?
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When you say you don't know where to go to find out about home csre, do you mean you have no knowledge of their finances? That's a talk you need to have with dad. If they've been saving for a rainy day, it's here. If they have long term care coverage, now is the time to get out the policy.

The Ltd aspect is the other reason you need another doctor on bosrd, one who can make an accurate assessment of her current abilities for the insurance company. Also, s/he should be able to give you a good idea of what type of help mom needs.

I found a geriatric neuro group specializing in memory and aging through our local acute rehab center. A university hospital might also have such a department, with neurologists, neuropsychologist and social workers. Mom said, "if they tell me I'm crazy, I know I'm not". That's how she processed the evaluation, which included a two hour session of cognitive and reasoning tests.
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I"m not sure what your parent's doctor is actually seeing when they come in. Maybe your dad is covering for her.

When I got my loved one in, I spoke at length with the staff in advance of the appointment. I explained that the visit was made by my insistence. That my loved one was in denial, but that it was an URGENT matter. I also typed up a letter detailing what was going on, for example, that she had stopped paying bills, had no food in the house, could not operate the air conditioner, was disoriented, REPEATING same thing over and over every 5 minutes, made calls to 911 from confusion, suffered repeated falls, etc. These types of things in writing to the doctor can help them ask the right questions. He doesn't have to show them the letter.

ALSO, if the doctor is hesitant, I would BEG him to refer her to a specialist so she can have a Neuropsychological evaluation. He won't be the one making the diagnosis, but he can faith it is correct.

It's concerning that her doctor is not more interested. She may need treatment and services for her care that she may be denied without a proper diagnosis.

Of course, unless they are allowing him to fully communicate with you, you aren't really sure what he is telling them. Maybe, he has told them she has dementia and they are in denial and not being upfront with you. There is a lot to sort out.
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Find a geriatric neurologist who will do a complete workup. I hope you won't need a referral, but if you do I'd call this GP and tell him politely that you need to have your mom's condition clarified for your dad's benefit. No offense to him, most GP docs don't know anything about dementia.

Make an appointment and just take mom. Tell her that you're going shopping, whatever you need to do to get her there. Remind her that this doctor is not "instead of", s/he's in addition to her regular doc.
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What is it with Dr.'s and their reluctance to diagnose dementia or alzheimers????? Have some been sued for misdiagnosis? My father's GP would never diagnose dementia...it took a hospital stay and a couple months in rehab before the rehab physician would make the diagnosis.

My simple advise to you, even though it will involve yet more trips to doctors and more $$....is to get a 2nd opinion for your mother if you take her and you pay for it. (Maybe you can take her "shopping" some morning.) No offense to any of the guys on the forum, here...but most elderly men are not receptive to any change, especially if the outcome will not be welcome news.
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