Parents delaying move to Independent Living. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

Parents delaying move to Independent Living. Any advice?

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My parents are 81 and 86 and live alone in a single family home. My brother and I live in different states and visit every month. They both have issues walking but are too proud to use walkers. They don't do much during the day besides TV and doctors appointments. I call them daily, and only mom talks because dad is hard of hearing. They are not safe, they are semi-hoarders. Their house is cluttered but you can still see some of the floor. They refuse to throw anything away. They have bags in their garage filled with garbage bags and pill bottles from prescriptions in the thousands that they refuse to throw away. We want them to move to a CCCR facility. They qualify (barely) for Independent Living and will be able to move to assisted living in the same facility when the time comes. They keep delaying the inevitable. They can't bring themselves to move into this nice residence with a fresh start. We have told them they do not need to sell their home to move. We will take what they need to live and leave the rest until they are ready to sell. We have told them both this is a safety issue. Now, my dad says he will let my mom move into the residence and he will stay home with his stuff and get the house ready for sale. They have done nothing to the home in over 20 years and have known the move was coming and have not thrown out or packed one item. I offered to come up for as long as needed to help them, and they refuse help. I am out of patience and out of compassion...how do I convince them they are both in need of help?

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NJNCFL, oh my gosh, reading your post was like I had written it.... I am dealing with the same issue and my parents are 92 and 96, but I live literally around the corner. I hope you don't have to wait another 10 years before your parents decide the house is too much for them.

I believe why so many of the elders in their age bracket dig in their heels is because their own parents probably lived and died at home. My Dad's mother wouldn't leave her home and she was living alone at 90, even when she fell down the stairs and broke her leg, she wouldn't move. A stroke finally convinced her..... so sad because she never got to enjoy all the great things some of these retirement complexes offer.

Littletonway, I liked your idea about the doctor suggesting they move, I may try that.
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Would it help to have their doctor suggest such a move. I completely understand the safety feature and know how frustrated you must feel. Sometimes our parents listen better to a doctor than their own kids. I use to call Mom's doctor before our visits and give info to help him in her treatment.
Best wishes!
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If you type in 'parents won't move to assisted living' up there in the upper right corner search bar you get all kinds of posts.
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How do you convince them that they are both in need of help? Unfortunately, you can't.

You have laid this wonderful opportunity at their feet and you have offered to travel to them to help them for as long as they need. But they don't want to go. You can't force them. You can't throw them over your shoulder and make them live in this new place. I'm sure you've done the soft sell and the hard sell but until they want to and are ready to move there's nothing you can do about it. I know how frustrating it is and there are a ton of posts on this site about this very topic. Maybe you can take some time to look at them, see if they give you a fresh perspective.
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