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almost 10,000 missing cash from Dads accounts and he doesn't remember what it went for and gets mad that I asked...

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Who has their Power of Attorney? If they do not have one, do that first. Then check out all the accounts in detail. If you find that someone has been helping themselves, call the authorities immediately. If you suspect wrong doing, hire a different caregiver until you can figure things out.
If they do not want to give you the PoA you can become a "signer" on the accounts. (you are not financially responsible for them) Open an online account and check activity often.
What the caregiver is asking for is illegal. Your father is his/her "employer" and needs to do all the IRS paperwork, etc. (see: http://www.irs.gov/publications/p926/index.html ) Usually when one asks for payment in cash it is because one does not have to declare it. Perhaps you can take care of the bill paying from now on and insist on payment by check.
Does your Dad have Alz? If so, he may be overpaying, double paying bills, or allowing someone to take advantage. Regardless, you are correct to be alarmed.
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