Do you think your parents are just stubborn when refusing your help? - AgingCare.com

Do you think your parents are just stubborn when refusing your help?

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id keep my wife down to about 85 degrees. juss sayin, that is no longer a turn on after that..
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I guess because I was raised in a dysfunctional family and read lots on the subject...the word stubborn brings to my mind a person who has control issues, a person who has to be right, has to have all power or they throw tantrums such as pounding fists on the table, becoming silent but refusing to bend, and refuses to discuss the issue or worse. Funny how we can have different perspectives.
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I don't know that "stubborn" applies when dementia is involved. In their world they really do not need help. That is their reality. "Demented," yes. "Delusional," yes. "Stubborn," not in the same sense it would apply to a mentally healthy person.
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I think when dementia is involved, the person is not always fully aware of what their limitations are and are in denial if they know they are struggling with their finances, so they refuse help because of the issue of losing independence.

On ther other hand, I had an uncle and aunt in Pa. He was an odd duck, stayed away from family in Pa. They had no children. He developed Alz and was very advanced when my aunt died in their home. She had been dead for about 3 days when a neighbor found my uncle wandering around outside very confused. They called authorities. The next of kin relative by law was my mother (his sister) who lives here in Ca. There were other siblings still living in Pa at the time, but they had Alz too. My mom had to make arrangements for her brother to be placed in NH through the state and the money from the sale of his house went to the state. My mom did receive all his photo albums which we still have. I am proud of my mother for stepping up the way she did (usually my mom is very selfish and money greedy), she made all the decisions for his care until he passed away about a 1.5 later from complications due to pneumonia. My dad also had Alz during this same time, she traveled to Pa with my dad...in early stages.

My mother currently is in a memory care facility due to....Alz. Family history with those who live into their 80's on mom's side all developed Alz.
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Sure, but I bet they had family members who came to look for money under the mattress after the poor woman was hauled away.
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It's still much better than this couple from the article above:

Authorities in Alabama say a 78-year-old Decatur woman had been living with the body of her deceased husband for at least a month.

According to WAAY, police were at the home for a welfare check after they were told family members had not heard from the couple in several weeks.

That's when they found 75-year-old Jessie Kirby lying dead in his bedroom. Authorities say he suffered from multiple health problems and believe he died of natural causes.

According to AL.com his wife, Doris Kirby, had Alzheimer's disease and was staying in the living room. The coroner told the website: "I don't think she was comprehending he was not in there with her ... The Alzheimer's was advanced enough to know to eat something but that's about all she knew."
blog.al/breaking/2014/03/woman_with_alzheimers_who_live.html

Officers found two dogs who appeared to have died of starvation in the bedroom. Two more malnourished dogs were with Doris in the living room.
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Not so much stubborn, but trying to prove they are still capable of independence. Unfortunately with our mom, it meant seriously goofing up her medications, falling, ending up in ICU and piling up bills she thought she paid. If there is a way to check their bills without being intrusive, that is the best way to start. Unpaid property taxes can result in the home going to a tax sale without you even knowing it. Mom was hiding bills, hadn't paid the water for a year.
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