Why can't parents accept that they have become elderly?

sandwich42, BINGO !! I've totally forgotten about within the professional retirement home care there is the kitchen staff, cleaners, skilled nurses, physical therapy techs, activities director, transportation drivers, people who know how to handle emergencies, generators should the power go out, etc.

I've been a career woman my whole adult life, loved it because a business project always ended and a new more exciting project was next on the list.... if I stayed home I just couldn't get excited about doing laundry, vacuuming, or grocery shopping because those *projects* never had an ending, and rarely were there any high-fives of congratulations for a job well done.

My significant other and myself are seeing what my parents are putting me through by not going into a really great retirement community where they can make new friends, and have all the conveniences they need without having to call me all the time. Then I could spend QUALITY time with them without being so resentful and so very tried.

GardenArtist, how right you are about our American society so caught up in youth. If I see one more ad for that neck lift I am going to scream !!!! When I was living a short time in France, I noticed that elderly men were flirting with women of their own age group, and it was so sweet to see.... none of these older folks had any type of plastic surgery, they were aging gracefully :)

^^^^ oops, the second part of my post above was to Tryingmybest.

Linda22, I hope you didn't interpret my comments as criticism for those who've placed elders outside of the home. We've had to use SNFs for my mother, sister and father. And I know that may be an option for my father someday.

You've had a much longer caregiving experience than I have and probably much more experienced and knew and know what's best for your situation. I wouldn't presume to question your decisions.

And there does come a time when it's impossible for the family to care for the elder. I hope that doesn't happen to us, but it might and I know it will be an emotional trial for both of us.

FreqFlyer, I've never lived abroad although decades ago I dreamed of living in France. Still do. And I totally agree with you about being a career woman. I'd much rather be working now and enjoying the intellectual challenges of the legal field than chauffeuring, running interference between doctors and attempts to involve ACOs, trying to just minimally manage 2 houses as well as all the other things that go along with caregiving. But that doesn't mean that I don't take pleasure in caring for my father and knowing that he's still enjoying life as uch as he can, which he wouldn't in an institutional facility.

And I'd also be battling guilt the rest of my life if I didn't help my father now.

It takes a long time to learn to accept and be a good caregiver. I made mistakes with my mother's and sister's care and don't intend to make those again with my father. But after that, I've still got a life of my own to live.

It's good to read the opinions of others who see these issues in long term as well as the broader perspectives of the difficult choices that have to be made.

My daughter offered to carry my groceries yesterday.I'm 63 and care for 94 mother who I channeled when I said to my daughter "I'm not that old that I need help with my bags!"
Hmmm......The mind never reflects how others see us.

Olma, imagine how we'll feel when they start taking our arms and helping us cross the road! Gosh I'll be livid...

You know what accept gracously whether you need it or not.
My cat was chasing a mouse round my chair last night and I didn't jump up and say "OK kitty don't bother I can catch it myself"
I am fiercely independent and usually find a way round things i can't manage but as most caregivers know it's nice to give up the responsibility from time to time.
So CM help those younge people across the road they need you to look out for traffic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!