My 94 year old mother is now in assisted living. The doctor says she has mild cognitive impairment. My therapist thinks she has Sundowners. My mother goes to bed at about 6 or 7pm. About midnight she starts calling me on the phone, about 3 or 4 times a night. She is confused, disoriented, doesn't know what time it is and can't tell time. What should I do? How do I handle this? Should she be moved to a nursing home? Should I ignore her nightly phone calls so I can get some sleep? Please let me know, as I have no family to help me. And I am wondering if the assisted living facility can handle dementia, etc. Thanks.
At the same time, I'd question if she needs to be going to bed so early. Perhaps, a sleep aid from her doctor would help and if she would take it and retire a little later in the evening, she might sleep through the night.
I'd pay close attention to how the facility is able to manage and care for those with pronounced dementia, because, she may eventually need a higher level of care. Maybe, not Nursing home, but, Memory Care.
Eventually Dad was moved into Assisted Living/Memory Care, which was in the same complex. While there he rarely called me. Dad had a landline in his room, through the facility in which to call out one would need to dial 9, so not remembering to dial 9 usually stops the calls, unless Dad's mind was in a loop where he was thinking clearer at that moment.
I agree with Sunny and cwillie, above, going to bed at 6 or 7pm is too early. At midnight that is 5 to 6 hours of sleep. And elders tend to need less sleep at night because they nap throughout the day.
Of course families buy into the myth that the big place is better. To them, it looks like it will control the resident more and keep them safer. Nothing could be farther from the truth in reality. The Small Home ALF is more Familiar, and thus less scary. Less anxiety, fewer phone calls. Staff can monitor them more, have a cup of herbal tea with them, tell them the phone is charging and when it's ready they'll come help them call... In a big place, they will just Drug them, or ask that you remove them. Or as someone said dialing 9 disables them getting the comfort and reassurance they so crave and need. No wonder they get anti-psychotic medication. It can drive a person mad to be in that state, unable to feel safe, and feeling more confused. It's not "insanity" but dementia.
Sadly in south FL where we have our Angel House, large places tend to take them, and exhaust savings, getting a big chunk in advance, often up to $10,000 or more equity buy-in or deposits. Then they milk the bulk of the estate, raising rates frequently to provide the extra care they need more rapidly as they decline far faster, detached as they become from their true self, and it's a cycle of despair for the family. Drugs don't help them stay connected. We get them out to walk, giving them vitamin D, connection to life itself, nature, each other as a family. The mob scene is not helpful at the big ALF, with where they are mentally. Our residents generally sleep from 8 pm until 6 or 7 am, and they have a better grasp of what's day and night. Melatonin, Tryptophan, music with Delta frequency to put their brain in a healing, restful mode also helps. We have individual wireless speakers in the rooms, with a transmitter from the tv. Each room's volume is set for the resident's own level of hearing. Hydration is incredibly important, and that it begin at waking. Good nutrition and all sorts of meaningful engagement, with a daily routine. It's not immediate, but within a week or two, things change.
You Can Do This at Home too, those of you still not at the AL stage. You will be amazed and the results. My recommendation is find a good Small place, Before the funds are gone. They will also help you plan for benefits, while large places do that at the end, and send you on your way. The law provides for a LOT of individual care, we must have Hundreds of staff hours per week at the small home. Large places have separate kitchen/cleaning staff, so actual hands on people to Listen to your mom/dad/aunt, are about ONE for every TWENTY Residents. That's a Fact and a sad one.
She also had her father moved to a full care facility when things got out of hand.
As for whether or not she should go to a nursing home, the answer is, "that depends on the nursing home." My mom's nursing home accepts people like your mom to one of their dementia units. Everyone there is very high functioning, they just need more supervision. In our nursing home, for example, she would have a private room, and get more attention, if that's something you feel is necessary.
If your mom is confused at night, is it possible for her to get up and walk out? You need to have a talk with the director of nursing, the social worker, or the administrator at the ALF. Tell them exactly what's going on. Ask them if she "wanders," and ask them to detail what measures and staff they have in place to take care of people with progressing dementia.
ALFs *do expect residents to be more independent, so they might recommend nursing home, or memory unit. They might even be able to tell you which ones are the good ones.
If you don't go that route, unplug your phone at night. You might also consider getting a "trackfone" you put on only at night, and give that number to the facility incase they need to notify you of an emergency in the middle of the night.
good luck