Parent with compulsive behaviors from, gambling, to nymphomania. In denial and refusing help. Any advice?

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My grandmother and grandfather who raised me, coersed me into allowing my parental rights to be terminated in 2010 due to drug use. They knew the judge who took my kids, I was on drugs at the time, they told me i would never see my kids again if I cooperated with the court. I was told if I let the adopted, after the adoption was finished they would put my kids back in my physical custody. Dope feind that, I was, I believed them. Up until this year I lived with my grandparents and children allowing my grandmother to dictate my every move, even selling myself to pay her so I could be with my children. (let's make it a little less dramtic, I was a drug addict, prositution was an everyday occurance, I want to make it clear that my grandmother profited from it as much as i did if not more. In Jan my grandfather died, (the man never believed any of this that was obviously going on right under his nose, I don't think his mind could process the depravity, and my Grandmother being the narcissistic psychopath that she is lied to him and he believed her always.) For the past couple of years my grandmother has been running with this lie that she has a terminal illness (I've spoken to her doctors, and they say her problems are not physiological but psychological) My grandfather died believing that she spent 4 days a week for the last 2 years of his life in an experimental chemo hospital. She was actually at a club in east st. louis, where people "swing" or prostitute and have sex. If she wasn't there she was at a casino blowing the money he was giving her for her chemo treatments, or what ever lie she feed him to rob him that day, she spend at least a couple of hours at the casino everyday, in the event she is unable to, she becomes beligerent, even parinoid. In the past 3 months, she has gone through a $500,000 life insurance policy. there is nothing left. There are new men and women in and out of her house constantly now that she isnt hiding things from grandpa, she is apparently 'working' at that club I was talking about. I cannot carry on a conversation with her anymore, she is completley delusional. I am naturally the primary caregiver for my children, I got clean after I was incarcerated for a year in 2011. (I was incarcerated with no bond, under investigation for a burglery that took place at grandma's boyfirends house, she said it was me. She has staged robberies in front of me, but had the nerve to try and pin it on me. Once the detective confirmed my alliby, my grandother convinced any friends and relatives, that if they bonded me out she would make trouble for them. so i sat.) I've been clean and been a good mother to my children since (much to grandmothers distate i no longer prostitute either), however unable to live outside of my grandmothers reach with them (the last time i left them alone with her, i was at work, and asked her if she would be there when they got off the bus, she said yes. kids got off the bus at 315, by 4 she was calling and texting repeatedly, i raced home, my children my husband and i live in the 1 bedroom mother inlaw house on her property, she lives in a 4 bedroom next door. she left them there unattended in the 1 bedroom and told them she was going to the bank. she didn't return until 11pm.) my grandmother has't ever been there caregiver if I was not 'allowed' to be present my grandfather would be, another family member and at times even a nanny. But grandmother was too absent to have been a caregiver. My boys 8 and 9 know me as mom they know who has been there for them, and they know grandma is messed up. My parental rights being terminated, makes it almost an impossibility to have them reinstated, and she isn't going to go down without a fight my kids get a total of 3500$ a month is ssi from my grandfathers death. the money i believe is the ONLY reason she wants anything to do with them it is obvious her lifestyle does not allow room for them. My grandmother is 65 falls inside her home regularly, can not remember things she said yesterday, does not have the mental capacity to fill out simple paper work, will not take many of her prescribed medications, has heart disease, and had a double knee replacement, and several heart attacks complete with bypass. her compulsive behaviors have gone from shopping and eating, to hording, to gambling, to men, so men and women, to sex, to living a complete delusion. She has a history of being abusive to children, and also has a history of falsifying police reports, manipulating, coercing, fraud, blackmail, wreck less driving, stealing, the list goes on on on on and on. What do I do? I fear for my children, where do i start, i fear contacting a lawyer for fear of retaliation! please help me.

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Document, document & document everything. Sounds like there are a lot of legal issues, go online or look in the phone book for a local parental rights group, they may be able to give you some advise. I'm sure this has been difficult for you, I hope things work out.
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I've never read a story quite like this one!

"My grandmother is 65 falls inside her home regularly, can not remember things she said yesterday, does not have the mental capacity to fill out simple paper work, will not take many of her prescribed medications, has heart disease, and had a double knee replacement, and several heart attacks complete with bypass. her compulsive behaviors have gone from shopping and eating, to hording, to gambling, to men, so men and women, to sex, to living a complete delusion.

She has a history of being abusive to children, and also has a history of falsifying police reports, manipulating, coercing, fraud, blackmail, wreck less driving, stealing, the list goes on on on on and on."

She has all of these health problems, plus other problems and at 65 works at a sex club as well as is still sexually active while you and your children live with her and as your profiles says you are her caregiver?

I am speechless!
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I search this site to actually see what it was about and this is what I found:

What is AgingCare.com?
We believe passionately that AgingCare.com is your community. We're your partner in caregiving—and as such, you've made us the go-to destination for family caregivers. AgingCare.com is where caregivers discover that they are not alone, how to survive, and how to provide the care their loved one needs.
Why We're Here
AgingCare.com is not simply a website, but a community of caregivers facing the challenge of caring for an elderly loved one. We're here to provide a comfortable meeting place for the free exchange of ideas with knowledgeable professionals, responsive experts, and people just like you.

It's here you'll get answers to your questions, one-on-one support and practical advice. Most importantly, you'll be part of a caring community of others on the caregiving journey—all sharing the experiences, insights, frustrations and hidden joys of caring for elderly family.

Not one word about if you don't have dementia you should not be on this site. We are all facing many challenges. Usually this site is full of compassionate, caring people. I am just hoping that some of the comments in this thread can be chalked up to a bad day.
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I am still boggled that a 61 year old is working at a sex club!! Get your kids the heck out of there!! Photos will help.. and if she works there get a lawyer to get her payroll records. How is this a better caregiver than a mom who is now clean? Good luck gal!!
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I am appalled at the nasty remarks towards this young woman who so desperately asked for help regarding her grandmother who she clearly explained must have some sort of dementia. Yes, she has had more than enough drama in her life, which she willingly participated in for a long period of time. However, now that she is clean and sober and sees that her children are in danger from this woman who profited from her drug use and prostitution, which is about as sick as it gets, she is trying to do what is best for her kids. A qualified apology indicating that you are not mean, just accurate is no apology at all Ferris. Perhaps you too should take a break from this site.

Brittanie, I wish I knew how to help you, but I don't. It sounds as if your grandmother has everyone in her "back pocket." That is going to make things difficult for you. If you can go to another jurisdiction for help, that might be a place to start. Best of luck to you and your kids. I truly hope you can get them away from her. And while you're at it, get her committed!
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You have a husband? You and he move out.
Teach your kids to call child protective services everytime they are
left alone or there are strangers in the home.
Teach them to run away to your new home, and report to child protective services each time there is an incident.
Sorry, it doesn't sound like you have the wherewithall or competence to protect your children at this time. If you can get out and stop blaming grandma, maybe you can earn custody, or your husband can take custody, but what has he been doing so far? The courts will be on your side, the parent. Let grandma show her competence by filling out the paperwork to get the kids back into her home after social services looks into this situation. You have been blackmailed, it seems.
Have you ever gone to a shelter with your kids. One way to get the agencies involved. Don't ever be afraid to protect your children. You are not helpless. Go to legal aid, unless there is some benefit you are getting from all this drama.
Sorry to give you the tough love answer, I am sure there is more to the story.
Where do your children want to live, with whom? After posting this, I am going to take a break from this site.
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They get SS because the grandparents adopted the kids. He was then their legal father. Upon his death, they receive SS as his children if under 18. At 18 it stops.
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Since the Grandfather was the legal Guardian the Grandchildren would recieve Socil Security Survivors Benefits. The best thing you can do is document everything, get witnesses to corroborate, take pictures. Then contact Child Protection and report her. Be ready for a battle, if they believe the children are not safe with Grandma they might place them in the care of another relative or even a Foster Home while they explore your ability to care for them.
There is no easy road here, and plenty of risk but you need to prove that the children are under your " Care and Control" and have been for an extended period of time. Are your the contact for School, Primary Care Physician? Cover all your bases including purchasing clothing, school supplies and caring for them in all ways.
Good Luck
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No, I am not mean, just accurate, but if the grandmother has dementia, then I apologize.
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I thought for sure this site was to provide understanding, care, compassion to caregivers, family and those close to the elderly withroblems going on in their lives! This lady should call Adult Protective services, see an attorney about elder abuse & having a guardian appointed for her grandmother and see an attorney about obtaining custody of her children! If the grandmother is'working' at such a place it could be elder abuse. If she is wasting the children's SSI that they are getting because their grandfather adopted them and then passed away the court can & will appoint a payee for them. If she doesn't seek help for the grandmother and the children she herself can be in danger of neglect/abuse charges. Please do not judge. Just help!
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