Has anyone ever had their parent "throw them out" of the NH?

We are too rural for any support services to come out with out paying mileage. I figured 24/7 skilled nursing would cost over 15K a month, which is not possible.
And captain, I am calling you out: You are a SNOT. Just because a caregiver is burned out and starting to worry about their own health and sanity does NOT mean they have bad intentions.

showtime, I'd be willing to bet that several people on this list have had that happen, and I hope they see this. As you know, whenever he is upset it is your fault specifically, so what's new about that, right? I'm glad you've had a brother through all of this, I'm an only :/ and had/have no one to spread the ownership. In an old person's mind, they've 'ended up in a nursing home' so try to give some slack for that. This is *story*-wise the worst thing that could happen to him; it's a pre-defined thing that everyone's talked about. He's surely lacking in flexibility at this age! and doesn't yet see whether he could be happy there. Maybe consider sending him a card, you're there and will be there... you can't change what's going on with his health much as you'd like to... and you'll love to come see him when he's willing to watch his language and behavior. Keep doing the right thing, you want that for yourself as well as him, you just also know that you don't have to put up with too much crap. Sending you many understanding thoughts. :)

Don't bring him home. It may be harder to get him back if you need to. Going from the hospital, rehab and then longterm is the best way to get medicaid. If he is in NH then someone felt that was going to be the best place for him. The dementia will only get worse. He will need a lot of care that you may not be able to give. 2 months is not long. Loved my Dad but he was selfcentered. He had a number of health problems. As he got worse so did his verbal abuse. Me, I would never have been able to deal with it. He would have been in a nursing home. Really think he would have enjoyed the home. Would have had a new audience for his stories. I don't think its selfish to look out for yourself. I think we need to figure pros and cons. Finances are a big thing. I would step back for a while. You can check on him by phone to the nurses. Is there a relative he likes who can checkon him? Sometimes people like your Dad are nicer to outsiders.

Has been in for 2 months. Yes, mild dementia, but is a malignant narcissist. Lived in same house for 50 years, week in hospital, 45 days in rehab. Now says my brother and I are dead to him and will not speak to us.

I pay the bills and want to go "no contact" for awhile. What a mess.

wintersun,
in the old mans mind " narcissist " might apply to the kids who wont take care of him and banished him to an NH . maybe hes done a h*ll of a lot for these kids over a lifetime . my aunt could be living with her daughter right now but her daughter just doesnt want the inconvenience . aunt really needs nothing in the line of special care , only supervised for her safety .

I say give him some time. My mom threw me off her property she didn't know who I was and her husband (a**) didn't help the situation. He will eventually shift and for you hopefully for the better. Don't be hard on yourself.

I put one of my siblings on the no visit list. She was furious I had sold my mother's house to pay for the cost of her assisted living even though the house had been left to me as I had paid off the mortgage. She and her husband visited once her at her new home to scream at the mother and somehow my mother ended up with blck eye and bruises. My sister said she only gve her a ittle shove.. My sister feels my mother should have been "dumped" local nursing home as they are cheap- even though most nursing homes have pretty bad reputations in our area for good reason. That way the house could have been sold and she and her husband cou;d have gotten half the proceeds..

Yes, my mother has thrown me out of the NH. I had to leave her there because of her high needs, safety at home and my health needs and burn out. She lived with me for several years with minimal help from one sibling and nothing but trouble from another. I noticed she is at her worst when on sibling "stirs her up"! All my friends and other family members and fellow care givers on this site have been supportive. Except this one sibling. To showtimerskid, you're absolutely right about the captain! Definitely a snot! If his aunt only needs supervision and has nothing much wrong with her. She would not qualify to be in a NH! I know it's hard but keep going back. Go "no contact" for a while, try to keep calm when you talk to your Dad, and keep going back. Seems like you and your brother can support each other. Good luck to you.

My experience was a bit different. Some time back my wife and I went to visit my sister who had been placed in a nursing home. We lived across the country and her kids didn't warn us about her dementia. When we stepped into her room she squeezed back against the headboard and started screaming for us to leave the room. We were shocked and did as she yelled. My sis and I had always been fairly close so I was quite upset. It was my first exposure to dementia so I didn't understand. My wife is in the mid stages of dementia now and I take care of her with better understanding of what is happening. But, that doesn't make it any easier knowing that she is slowly slipping away from me. Dementia is a cruel disease.

the old man staying at my house right now has two daughter playing tug of war for his money and his help but when things get bad for burley there is no question in my mind that neither of these welfare queens would care for him for one moment . he'll be one you see in the news lying in a bed in maggots and feces .
its easy to discount the demented elders as selfish old coots but there are 3 sides to every story . yours , mine , and the facts as a judge would see them .