Has anyone ever had their parent "throw them out" of the NH? - AgingCare.com

Has anyone ever had their parent "throw them out" of the NH?

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Happened to my brother who would not take him "home".

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Caregiving is a stressful and often frustrating situation. Although each situation is slightly different, there are common issues we all face. Keeping yourself well and healthy is critical if you are to be of help to your loved one. Two people who are ill are much worse than one. I agree with "worthless" that worrying about their health is not selfish or bad. Did you know a recent study done found that 90% of caregivers die before their loved one. If that's not enough evidence to have caregivers be concerned about their own health, I don't know what is!
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Louise44, you did more than I may have especially if I was working. This is why I will never marry again (got a good one not pushing it) or have some live with me if something happens to DH. Why, because the family figures ur in charge.
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Loise44, my heart goes out to you. You went above and beyond for years. Take care of yourself. Join as many local groups as you can and let new people into your life.
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Worthless, I respect your decision to have Dad in NH - placing a LO in NH is something that is very difficult and most of us would rather not have to do it, but circumstances, financial, physical and concern for the safety and care of the elder makes it necessary. I myself had to do it for elder that was living in my home - caring for him was very difficult - and I had no help at all from his children, had to work full time as well, he had very small $$ income. After he started falling almost daily and he weighed 300 lbs - I am just a bit over 100 lbs - I had no choice but to tell his children that I could not care for him anymore that they either needed to take him or place in NH. I was not married to this man, he never supported me - I had a relationship with him and he moved into my home, that relationship went south very quickly due to his alcoholism, abuse and fact that he refused to work to help contribute to his living expenses. While we were truly no longer a couple - he began to experience a long string of health issues - bypass surgery, diabetes, dementia and much much more, I let him continue to live in my home and over the years became his caregiver along with supporting him as he had nowhere to go - after three years of very extensive care giving, my health was suffering, he was not safe and after asking for one of his 3 children to take him (they did not even give me a no answer, they just ignored me) I placed him in nursing home.
Now do I feel guilty about that, yes, I do daily, do I feel responsible, no - had he taken better care of himself, prepared financially for himself or was a responsible enough parent that his children felt a responsibility to care for him, he would not be there. He continues to believe that we are "a couple" somehow because of the fact I let him stay and took care of him and the dementia and his denial of any of his "faults", he feels that I owe it to him to take care of him. I go to see him often as his family is not very attentive and he continues to want to come "home". I explain to him that I am not able to care for him and that makes him very angry most of the time. While he has never kicked me out of the NH, he has said to just leave, calls me horrible names and is just downright mean. I do understand that much of this is the dementia, but it is hurtful to me - so when he gets nasty to me, I just get up and leave - I do not try to argue with him - pretty much just say, "Sorry you feel that way - you have hurt my feelings so I am going to go" - check to see if he needs anything and then leave - and don't go to see him for a couple of days, then show up with some ice cream for him and all is good.
Please don't be offended by some of the responses that you get, this is an open forum and caregivers respond based on their own experiences, situation and beliefs - does not make them right or wrong and even though some of us have similar experiences no one has walked in your shoes. Hang in with Dad, give him time to adjust, reassure and redirect him when you do visit.
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maybe some time away will be best for both you and your parent. give them time to adjust like someone else mentioned. when you do see them, just tell them, you are sorry they are there but its the best thing for all involved even though you know they are scared and hurt. And as far as captain goes, well if his "old man" is with him now and he is talking about seeing it in the papers with and "old man" lying in feces and maggots, it sounds like his "old man" should be in NH where he can get better care. I find that "captain" is one who says without thinking most times. Good luck to you and hope things ease up for you.
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Sheenaz, that's some crap right there! So good to hear you did exactly what you had to do with the sale, and then barring her. Well done. Rayjays, what a sad story about your sister.. and best wishes for caring for your wife, in the ways that will be needed over time. This site humbles me every day.
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my aunt is in nh solely because her daughter wont care for her . i know that everyone isnt in a position in life to take on fulltime elder care but from the demented oldtimers perspective its probably because theyre selfish and in some cases like my nonworking welfare queen cousin that is indeed the case .
id bring a paying care recipient into my home right now and indeed may already have . i enjoy dementia care and aint half bad at it .
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I've only have had Mom 6 months and she is actually easy. I am doing things I thought I'd never have to do. But, she is going to get worse and I know there r things physically I will not be able to do. I feel our responsibility too our parents is to make sure they are safe, clean, fed and comfortable. If an option is a care facility than its what I listed. When facilities know family checks on residents the are more likely to keep on their toes. In my case, my daughter is an RN in a rehab/nursing facility. If I don't notice something wrong she does and speaks up. We all have different lives. We have to do whatis good for every one involved. Just hope we all have learned something from our parents. That we will be old someday and need to plan for it. I find were I live the older homeowners are having problems keeping their houses up. This is when you have to start thinking about downsizing. Sell that big house. Get an apartment on one floor that is easy to clean and get around easily.
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It'll be OK. Dad hates the facts of losing his home and independence and having someone to blame is pretty handy for his emotional outlet, and he does not have the empathy or the filter to think how hurtful that is, nor to realize that he's just mad about not getting his way, even though his way at this point might be disaster. Tell brother not to take to heart, this stuff is pretty common...he's doing a service by handling the finances and standing up to make the right decisions that need to be made, that Dad would not be able to make for himself.
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Showtimerskid, Captain is probably laughing hysterically at being called a SNOT, because he's actually been through the mill of caregiving a couple times and if he's a snot, he is one of the best loved snots on AgingCare ever. He's an "it is what it is" kind of guy. Calls it like he sees it. Oops, I've used up my quota cliche for today...
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