Has anyone's parent threatened "ending it all" or "wanting a divorce"? - AgingCare.com

Has anyone's parent threatened "ending it all" or "wanting a divorce"?

Follow
Share

Father is in a nursing care facility, has moderate-severe dementia/alzheimers. He is on 3 meds (one for depression, one for dementia, one for agitation). On his (what I call) bad days he just mumbles, told my mother about signing divorce papers, or want to end it all if he had a knife. Then on the good days, he is pretty good, old stories, but no downer stuff. Just wondering if anyone else's loved ones displayed this manner.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
4

Answers

Show:
thanks all. when my father was home we removed all guns a long time ago, but somewhere along the line 2 paring knives disappeared, not to be found yet. but he has NO access to knives/guns in the NH. And they keep him close by when they hear him talk like that. I know its part of the dementia, but he never said that before until recently. i am sure that its scary when you can't control your own mind. thanks again for your words.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Yes. My mom says she prays to die every day. I do not acknowledge for the most part but continue to try and lift her spirits with little presents and memories. Diversion, diversion, diversion - it works.
I did remove all sharp implements and carry scissors with me if needed. I have placed her in AL and they cut up her food for her, encourage her to eat/drink. She has had a DNR order for some time now.
She suffered dehydration and a UTI recently and has lost 30lbs. in the last 6 months. Upon her return home from the hospital she exclaimed: "I almost made it this last time." Wow! After thinking long and hard about this I've decided - who are we to say when and how someone else is to leave us? I do not wish to be told I cannot go when I am ready and my quality of life is gone. Various professionals I have spoken with have told me it is not necessarily suicide but they just stop hydrating and nutritional requirements.
We are torn between our role as caregivers keeping them healthy/happy and eventually letting them go.
A heart wrenching decision always.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

When my father died unexpectedly in 1987, my mother has talked of wanting to die non-stop. She is almost 97 now and still making sure she tells me that she wants to die every time I visit. (She had a recent fall and has broken a few ribs, so she is totally miserable.) There is no way to respond to this request, so I just change the subject.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Wildflower, you might find 1956Sherri's posting and advice interesting and helpful. It gives you a perspective from the caregiver's side. My mom and I feared that dad might want to harm himself. He was confined to a wheelchair or his liftchair. We were careful about keeping guns and knives hidden, of course. When he asked where his gun, which he used to keep in the side pocket of his easy chair, was, we passed it off by saying we would have to look for it. That kept him from having fits of anger, and he would soon forget about it. If you haven't informed the staff at the nursing care facility, please do so. It is very difficult to hear them say such things, but remember it is the illness talking. My heart goes out to you and your family, especially your mother.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions