Is it right or wrong for an elderly parent to pay their child for care?

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My 90+ year old parent now lives in my home with a private suite and access to our entire home. They offered to pay me the same amount they paid for their independent apartment in a retirement community, in return for 24/7 care (all food, cooking, etc). Yes, the elderly parent can afford it. My sibling is furious and thinks I should do it for free or little to nothing, and keeps telling the elderly parent I'm "controling" them - which is not the case. It is causing friction even though the sibling does not want the responsibility and suggesting these monies be "deducted" from the estate when the elderly parent dies.

The amount I am accepting is less than what was paid for the apartment and $3000 less than assisted living.

Any thoughts out there?

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Great responses, here for a great group!

If your parents can afford it why not pay you? You are charging less for better care than any other option. Often people give up jobs to stay home and care for their parents. I agree this sounds like an inheritance issue for the other sibling. I'm glad it's in writing and notorized. That was very wise.

Carol
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Reply to Carol Bradley Bursack
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In almost all families, one member provides the care and everyone else steps back and gives orders. You are not wrong for taking your parents money. Why should you have to provide ALL the care on your own dime? And no, these funds should not be deducted from any inheritance.
It sounds as though there are some deep seated issues here between your sibling and you. It also sounds as if your sibling is very greedy. And you need to up your fee!
Secretsister is right, your parent should put this in writing. Notarize it.
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Reply to yearight
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My Mother-in-law just recently moved in with us. My husband is her only child. She had a mild stroke and we felt it best that she come to live with us. WE did not want her falling, or worse, having another stroke while alone in her apartment. It was a touch decision, but she is now enjoying a more stress free living arrangement.
In turn, she insisted on paying us $1000 per month for 'room and board'. My husband felt this was fair as she was paying over $1400 in rent prior to moving in.
I have no idea what the tax implications are, but I do know that taking her to the doctor, gym, store and a variety of other places, along with purchasing her food and essential toiletries, paying water bills, etc would otherwise be a financial burden if we did not have her funds to help out.
I see nothing wrong with your parents offering you money in exchange for a place to live. Security, comfort, peace of mind and the love you provide to them is priceless.
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Reply to pgscott
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Thank you secretsister and yearight!. I needed some affirmation.

Yes, this parent is absolutely aware of my sibling's feelings and continually listens to the sibling knocking me on most daily phone calls because I overhear some of the conversations. I simply go to the other end of the house not to hear. The sibling refuses to come to my house and visit their own parent.

And yes, I did draft up an "Arrangement Agreement" document that we both signed, including my spouse and did have it notarized. However, it was not drawn up by an attorney, but is rather thorough. Not sure of the tax consequences for me and plan to check that out.

And yes, there have been "issues" between us two siblings for years. I feel bad the sibling keeps putting our parent in the middle and tries to make life miserable, but the parent won't tell my sibling to stop talking junk. My parent is getting absolutely great care in a lovely home and environment and it makes me sick my sibling is such a thorn. They wanted our parent to go into a "nursing home" of all things or assisted living and pay triple what the parent offered to pay. (I'm trying to refrain from disclosing "he/she" or "mom/dad" to protect identities).

I am wondering if anyone out there is in a situation wherein a parent is living with an adult child and giving them money for their constant care? I am being made to feel I am the only one in the world who accepts an appropriate amount of money from an elderly parent for their care. It would be good to have facts about other families and how they pay for such care within the family.
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Reply to lsmo64081
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don't talk to anyone in your family about money. it's none of their business, draw up a trust, poa, and see a lawyer and get everything in writing.
people are jealous, not just family. everyone, esp. in these hard times. i'm so glad your parents love you and trust you enough to do this!
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Reply to cece
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Bottom line is this: when our parents come to live with us they are getting quality one-on-one care, healthy food, more natural surroundings, comfortable accomodations, hygiene care, and someone to visit with. Not to mention, taxi service to doctors, shopping, hairdressers, etc. Most care facilities charge extra for these services. Whether a caregiver wishes to be compensated or not is between the parent and caregiving child ONLY.
Next time the sib whines, tell her/him that your parent would love to come an visit for an extended time and she/he will also pay her/him the "going rate." That ought to give you a few months of silence.
Under what rock do these people live?...bet you'll find my sib there too!
Geeezzzz.......
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Reply to toadballet1
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Give me a break! From what planet are these people from??? Expecting you to take care of your parent for free or little or next to nothing and you'll be compensated with whatever money is left when she/he dies???
It costs money NOW to feed, clothe, and provide a roof over their parents' head or would they rather the parent go directly to a nursing home???
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Reply to lach61
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Would your parents be willing to put their desires in writing, to silence the brooding sibling; their jealous child? Do they know the trouble that your sibling is causing? Have you always had issues with your sibling? Sounds like an "inheritance" worry to me...but don't know all the details, or your family dynamics. You sound like a wonderful "child," and your sibling does not seem pleased about that. Is money the only issue?
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Reply to SecretSister
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I hire someone, part time, three hours a day. $13/hour.
Cleans, cooks, meds. I pay extra hours for shopping, doctor appointments, and any extra time needed. He is in his own home.
You offer 24/7 food, laundry, appointments, living space, and utilities..?!...
Take what your parent offers, she knows the deal, and it is sweet.
Understand that she is mom in the middle, and is trying to please a toxic daughter by hearing her out.
The best advice that I have gotten from this site is to not listen to noise. Put up a sound barrior, and when sister says something productive you'll listen.
Enjoy having Your parent in your home. She sounds like a good person. It's the last of the good stuff, and you are getting it.
That was how I felt about my grandparents. I will always have the memory of the good stuff. Maybe that is what your sibling is most upset about, but does not understand how, when, or why anything works. Socially unskilled? If your parent is 92, then your sister is over sixty at least. She won't be changing. Don't put your energy there. You won't be able to prove anything. She won't be listening.
Good luck.
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Reply to gvergrl
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I think anyone that takes a parent into their home and gives them love and good care deserves every cent they get and more. They should receive more than just the expenses the parents create. If affordable, they should get enough above parents expenses to make life as easy as possible for the care giver. Care giving is a tremendous job, takes a lot of love, patience,and understanding and the last thing a care giver needs to a big mouthed sibling that constantly is shooting it off,
Good luck and may u be blessed with ever lasting patience. Dane
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