Does anyone else care for a parent who is on oxygen because of COPD? - AgingCare.com

Does anyone else care for a parent who is on oxygen because of COPD?

Follow
Share

My Mom lives with my husband and I. I had a post awhile back about this being the third time we have had her move in with us. The first time lasted 6 months and she was so drugged up from prescriptions and over dosing herself that it made her think we were overcharging her for her expenses. ( If she only knew how much we spent to support her.) So she moved in with her sister for several months, they clashed so we let her move in again. That time only lasted 3 months because she was so overbearing and controlling. When I told her I wasn't a kid anymore and would not put up with her negativity and power trips she got mad and back to her sisters she went. Well this time she called me crying, her sister is a lot like her, but also her sister now has dementia, she can't care for herself anymore much less my mom. I knew it would be hard, and my husband was very against it, but he said he knew it was the right thing to do. So here we are, her health is much worse now. She is in stage 4 COPD, and has heart disease plus a deformed leg because she broke it and stubbornly refused to have surgery. It is awful and has made her almost crippled, plus she has had numerous bone infections because of it.

Her attitude is much better now, because she knows there is no going back to her sisters house. It is heartbreaking to watch her health become worse and worse. The COPD is bad and she is on oxygen 24/7, she now gets out of breath just from walking around the house. I never could have imagined it would be this difficult having my mom live with me. I have been spending a good deal of time here on aging care. It has helped so much! Reading what other people are going through is not making the burden any lighter, but it is somehow comforting, and reassuring that it's not anything I'm doing wrong, if that makes any sense. I would never wish this hardship on another person. At a time in my life when I thought I would only be dealing with the empty nest issues instead I have my mom living with me and in my living room all day, she has such a negative attitude and her presence all day long is not easy And that is only the half of it. I have Fibromyalgia and degenerative joint disease from my neck down, and my husband is disabled also. It is a hard reality we are living, and I am sharing this partly to ask if anyone else has a parent who has copd, if so how did you cope? And partly to vent I guess. I know eventually she will most likely die from the lung disease or heart disease,and I hate seeing her suffer so much. Dying from copd is a bad way to go, it is like being slowly smothered to death. I'm not sure when i should ask for hospice. Has anyone else been through this? I pray everyday for God to help us, and He does get us through, but this is a hard daily reality.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
6

Answers

Show:
I too am dealing with an aging parent with COPD. He is on oxygen 24/7 and takes 3 other meds to help him breathe. Doc said call Hospice if interested but I'm not sure of what his longevity is. We see doc on the 28th so I will ask about Hospice again. I think its needed. Dad gets out of breath walking 20 feet with his O2 on (still smokes) and forgets or doesn't want his other lung meds. I let him know how serious his condition is (in a gentle way) and let him know that I too am helping him get thru this. He sits most of the day going from one chair to the other. He wont eat unless I cook him something, he doesn't pick up his dishes or do anything else except make his coffee and get drinks for himself. It is frustrating and heartbreaking but it is what I need to do for him right now as I feel his time is very short. As for a fan in the window, we live in AZ & it is very hot so I suggested the fan but he gets cold! Tried it a time or two but he always brings fan back out of bedroom every morning. Like I need more to do by toting that fan back and forth! Anyhow, he is getting weaker and it hurts and sometimes I just wish he would go to sleep and be at peace. DebbieRose...I feel your pain caring for your COPD mom....it is a rough job and heartless sometimes.....I could vent for days but that wont change anything. Right now I just keep reminding myself that he is in Gods hands and hopefully he wont suffer long. Caring for elderly parents is harder than raising kids and it is a thankless job too. I told my kids to put me in a home when I get real bad as I do not want them to end up hating me for being so incapacitated and needy, that's what the homes are for. And the kids can visit me and not have to bathe or change me!! LOL Hang in there I am.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thank you for the tip, I will check it out.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

What I wanted to address was your mom's negativity and some methodology that would allow you to alter your outlook about that. Would you let me recommend a sweet little book? It looks for all the world like a children's book, but it isn't. What I like about it is, it's not about positive thinking per se, it's about recognizing when you're having negative thoughts and intentionally pivoting those thoughts to something positive. I think there is a series of Sara books by Esther and Jerry Hicks, but this is the first one: Sara and the Foreverness of friends of a Feather. Amazon has it.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thank you for replying jinx. Just someone else understanding how hard this is helps.
captain I'm sorry for what you are going through with your mom. It sounds like she is dealing with so much, but I'm sure you being by her side and caring for her means the world to her. I know it's not easy for you.
You know it's funny you bringing up using a fan because my mom has used one for years. I bought her a small one and have it on a table near her, and to her it makes all the difference in the world. She also loves the air conditioning to be on, she even wants it on in the winter! Even though she is on oxygen she insists that the fan blowing in her face helps her breathe better. I didn't know that about the nose thingy, I think its called a canula or something like that. I'm very glad you mentioned this because my mom is always complaining she is not getting enough air. So that is something I will tell her about. Thank you.

That's great to hear your mom felt a lot better with a fan blowing in her face and was able to sleep peacefully. We also bought my mom a tiny battery operated one which hangs around her neck just like a necklace for when she has to go somewhere. Your mom is blessed to have you as a son.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

my mother is ill with copd among other things. ive read on the web a million times that a window fan trained on the patients face is more helpful than oxygen. tonight i tried that when mom asked for help, couldnt breathe. she laid down , fell asleep in seconds and is still sleeping soundly without oxygen. if your patient does use oxygen keep that little pos nose piece hanging low . if its too far in the nostrils it will block off the volume of air needed to fill and empty the lungs. i know this because i tried it myself..
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I have no experience to offer, but a lot of sympathy. You certainly have a lot on your hands.

Ask her doctor about hospice, and let him/her know all of her symptoms. (Duh! As if you didn't know that already!) Sorry for all your troubles.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Related
Questions