Parent in nursing home is over spending her personal funds. How to convince her not to? - AgingCare.com

Parent in nursing home is over spending her personal funds. How to convince her not to?

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Thinks she can't have something, wants it more. The facility receives her SS and a pension check. She is allowed a specific amt. for personal use and often calls my sister or me to purchase toiletry items. There have been meetings with discussions regarding her finances where she's been included and she refuses advice or assistance in handling them. I'm out of state, so the burden of her actions is basically on my sister. We're interested in ideas of how to approach her on the subject without her becoming defensive which brings out her stubbornness and anger. The facility says they have no authority to *budget* her spending if she wants to spend her money. However, whenever she doesn't have the personal funds, my sister is called that she needs pads, or hair spray or lipstick, etc. We need a new approach to this situation.

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Thanks for your support....we've taken steps. Will see what happens.
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What a dumb system! Tell NH that if mom spends her funds frivolously, you and sis feel no obligation to supply her "necessities". Do you have poa? Can you have her personal care allow allowance put under your or sis' control? Ask NH what they would do if mom had a court appointed public guardian, because you are considering relinquishing control.
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The only thing I'd be worried about is supplying her with the necessities, like pads or toothpaste or toilet paper, if she needs that. Otherwise, she can wait until she gets more money for lipstick, hairspray or other "luxuries". If she is told "no" a few times by your sister, she will learn she needs to budget appropriately. That's assuming she has good cognitive function. If she doesn't, then I don't see that trying to reason with her will do anyone any good.
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Spends mostly on toiletries. A *shopping* list is made for each resident and someone on staff shops for them at Walmart. I've suggested to the facility that when her monthly funds are low to tell her *no*, but they insist they can't determine how she spends her money.
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Just say "NO". Ignore the tantrums. You cannot reason with dementia.
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What is she spending money on?
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