Has your parent lost his manners?

LP says your mother has "mobility problems" wheres the "dementia" this is a forum for als and dementia? are you in fact caring for someone with dementia? like i said i very much doubt it. Also you were not "venting" you were taking your childhood anger issues out on caring people in a very bad situation. I think you need to get over your mum and your anger towards her before making judgements here theres venting and theres been nasty. You apologise then insult again get a life. "maybe we can only vent when its about dementia people who cant read these posts" what BS are you talking. Boy do you make my blood boil! Thanks for making a bad worse.

This is a forum for elder care, which includes many things. It is not just a forum for dementia. Right now I think it is a forum I need to step away from.

I agree with you JessicaBelle!! Lets keep all conversation civil please.... I really look forward to reading the question/comments when they are about any type of elder care .. Be well everyone no matter what your situation may be!!

Correction, this site first started as caring for our elderly parents. But because more and more diverse people were joining - PAID Caregivers, Wives taking care of husbands or vise versa, grandkids caring for their grandparents - AgingCare has changed their title to: CONNECTING CAREGIVERS. So it's just NOT only for dementia or Alzheimer or Lewy, etc... This site is now opened for Everyone who is a CAREGIVER.

LearningPeace, I tend to be very sensitive here on AC. I read from the beginning of this thread. Rosie came on too strong and I wanted to respond but held back. Because I knew that those who had a Very Dysfunctional Childhood would say something. Then LP, you posted. You read the comments to your posts. You Apologized. I accepted. JessieBelle accepted it.

Now, I have been hurt several times from this site. Please know that this site is for All who are Caregivers - whether at your home, your parents' home or even if they're in Assisted Living or Nursing Home. This is for us to come and share, or vent. The advice given to me, over and over when someone had hurt me, was to take what Works for You, and Ignore what doesn't. Everyone here has a different childhood background. And not everyone here is legitimate (and just want to cause anger within a discussion or to attack people.) I never ever jump immediately that a person is a troll. I just assume they're new to online discussions and don't know the etiquette.

Please don't leave because of this thread. I have my own "home" thread that I know is safe (most times) from attacks. Like JessieBelle, sometimes this site gets to me, and I have to back off.

JessieBelle - {{{HUGS}}}

JB sorry you feel like this but she was insulting carers for dementia i dont know if you read what she wrote but it was pretty bad and i just couldnt see her point in showing up here not knowing any of us and calling all of us horrible names. She apologises then says something sarcastic like we are talking about our parents because they dont know any different and are vunerable? i am also very sensitive and am having the worst time of my life and i do not come here to be made to feel worse i come here for support and advice. There have been things said here before but you move on i feel that her comments were the worst ive ever heard and im entitled to feel angry and at least im honest about it anyone who knows me personally will know i say it to your face and never behind your back. Its very upsetting to have a long and tiring day to come on here looking for support and maybe a laugh and to see someone write horrible things about us when all we are doing is surviving in a very difficult situation and yes trying to make light of something so heart breaking as dementia noone is going to make me feel bad about caring 24/7 for my mum with no support from anyone and bills coming in every day with no money to pay them. Yeh too right im angry.

Lets all just be there for each other!! We need to talk to people who are dealing with their parents who unfortunately have become ill. It is the worst thing that has ever happened to my family ever!!! Everyday I go to see my mom at the nursing facility that killed me to put her in after living with her for seven years!! I miss her so much !!! She doesn't remember that she saw me the day before and tells everyone that she hasn't seen me in a long time when it was less than 24 hours that she saw me!! When I found this site I was so happy to be able to read some of the questions and answers, it was such a relief for me. I didn't feel so alone anymore. It's a sad time for all of us . Lets be kind and caring . This is what we are made of and how we treat our loved ones so let's treat each other with that same respect and if we can help one person feel better at the end of their long sad day then we have helped someone !!! Be well!!!

Rose, first born, let us hear your story of caregiving.

ang in there Rosie... I dared to comment that this thread of posts was... well, you know... I didn't say what I really thought... that this group of people aren't just "venting"... they seem awful and I'm glad I didn't have children who could/might grow up to be as ugly and impatient and without compassion as most of these folks...

I rest my case and will say no more about this person. Just thought id paste this and then ask me why im angry?

Care13
I think you are looking at a "snapshot" and seeing a whole life. We come to this site some days just to vent, complain, and yes feel sorry for ourselves. But that day is not everyday. Just because my Hubs (or parent, or FIL/MIL, or whoever) is making me crazy , and causing my anger or self-pity, right now, doesn't mean it will be that way tomorrow, or next week. A just maybe coming here to vent helps us get through it and over it.
And yes, if you don't like it here, go away. One of the things my Hubs does that makes me nuts...." watches" a TV show, all the time complaining about how bad it is. But he won't let me turn it off, or even change the channel. hhhmmmmm

AND she has forgotten how to say "please" and "thank you"!!

Have you seen the thread on Agingcare about "Gross things - need to vent"? Or something to that effect! There are some real looloo stories on there that will curl your toenails.

Venting to lessen stress is NOT being disrespectful. That's what this community is for - a safe place to vent.

The loss of table skills is due to loss of fine motor control, sight, hearing, and sense of smell & taste. And loss of left brain behavior controls.

It does make mealtime a real task to endure though, for the rest of us.

Put a bath towel over his torso to keep his clothes clean. Make sure he has washed his hands in front of you before meal times. Lord only knows where those fingers have been! Maybe think about how to change the food so it's easier for him to handle. E.g. pre-cut pieces or bite-size pieces. Things that stick to the fork or spoon. Yes, just like when we were kids or had kids of our own. Emily Post isn't coming over for a meal, so go ahead & put the peas & mashed potatoes together.

See if you can find flatware that is easier to grip. There are handles you can slip on over existing flatware and special spoon/fork you can get online or at most local home health supply places. They are marketed for people with arthritis.

Sectioned plates help, so the food is in a compartment and easier for the person to hone in on. Depending on your dad's personality, I wouldn't talk about the changes, I would just implement them and see what works and what doesn't. You don't have to explain anything. All you can do is your best, and there really aren't any after-school specials about this stuff last time I checked. We just learn from each other and get by. ::hugs::

I think that it is great we can post any topic about care giving here. I have no one to talk to, am having a h*ll of a time finding a counselor and can't afford one since I gave up my job to care for dad and often we can't get to a counselor if we needed to. I think we should all just listen to each other and offer support or at the very least a hug and a "you're doing a great job!".

I would be in the loony house if it weren't for this website and the community. I found it just in the nick of time last year. I have learned so much, made some great connections, and the caregiver stories always help. I either learn something new or I get a lesson on "it can always be worse". There are topic specific areas of the site, and some real specialty threads that I find myself into the most.

It sure does help to belong to a club!

This is an old thread but I am noticing that I sometimes dread eating with my parents now.. which is difficult because they want me to eat with them so much. Both of my parents have bad table manners now... my Dad (with dementia) gulps his food down very fast like he is scared it will disappear ... he has always done this even before dementia).

My mom used to have decent table manners now chews with her mouth open, things fall out, opens her mouth wide for a bite of food and I can see all the chewed up food in there. My mom doesn't have dementia that I know of ..but might be just due to decline in age and possibly motor skills?

Anyway, sometimes it is so hard for me to eat with them.. and I feel so guilty even admitting this. Sometimes I eat without looking up and I have my Ipad on my lap and look at something else. Sometimes I am purposefully late hoping they will go ahead and eat and I can eat in peace.. but they wait for me!

Anyway.. just wanted to vent about that..its something that has been bothering me but it would hurt them both so much if they knew...One more thing to endure.

A large fresh flower arrangement has saved my appetite. While the visual is better it does nothing for the sound effects however or the ensuing mess.

OH MAN the sound effects......I forgot why I stopped making corn on the cob until my mother took her first bite. Now its OFF the menu again...LOL.......and I love it soooooo

KatieKay - one does not necessarily lose table manners upon being old. I would keep a journal after your visits & phone calls with your folks. My mom's dementia was farther along than we all thought until it got REALLY bad. Or it could be simple, like needing different glasses or forks with the really big grip handles. Or brighter lighting in the house.

If you have notes over time to go back to, it will be easier to connect the dots for any doctor who may need to get involved or to make sure you're seeing them realistically. My mom's own doctors chalked up a bunch of symptoms to "old age" or lack of willpower on her part. She should have seen a neurologist and a geriatric specialist 15+ years ago because they would not have blown off all these little things that actually did add up. We could have intervened sooner and maybe improved her quality of life earlier than what actually happened.

My mother had been diagnosed with vascular dementia after a stroke. She was also very polite and spotless. Always wanted her hair done, brushed her teeth several times a day, she was very conscious of her clothes and how she looked. After the stroke she hated to brush her teeth, hated to have her hair combed, she would get upset when I tried to wash her . Her table manners never changed but her hygiene went right out the window. I still did these daily things with her but it was a struggle every time. Best of luck to you!!

I've just found it comforting in a strange way to read these comments as I care for my 90 year old father who lives with me since my Mum passed away 15 months ago. He seems to slurp his food and makes horrible noises, dribbles it down his chin, speaks with his mouth full and spits bits out. I don't know how to handle it as I would feel awful pointing it out, especially if it's a feature of dementia. He is actually pretty sharp in his brain.