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especially when 2 parents still live together - do they "cover up" for each others failings?

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That is a tricky one to determine-especially if you're not around them 24/7. Have you talked with their doctors? They might have noticed signs of dementia or can give you some ideas of what to look for. You could also bring this up with your own doctor and see if you can get some advice from them as well. Also, while working at Focus on the Family, I heard of a book called Could It Be Dementia? Losing Your Mind Doesn't Mean Losing Your Soul by Louise Morse and Roger Hitchings that might help you with this issue. You may also want to look over an article at to see if it gives you any clues regarding your parent's behavior. Well, hang in there. I know it's tough to go through this stage in a parent's life, but don't hesitate to reach out for support!
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It's a scary place! I ended up taking my "forgetful" father to the doctor when he started hallucinating, and was there when they administered the Montral Cognituve Assessment test....MoCA. It was there right in front of me: he scored a twenty out of thirty points. That's when I saw the flip answers and witty banter and helpless behavior...all of which showed up at different times..for what they really were: compensation and deflection and actual confusion.
I wasn't prepared for how it rocked ME to know that some bedrocks truths of my life were shifted ("my Dad will always know how to handle X,Y,Z."); I had thought the diagnosis would just be tough for him to hear. As his brain continues to shrink and change, so does the world around him.

The book recommended above it useful. So it one called The 26 Hour Day (I hope I remembered it correctly). Read more about it, talk to others, look on this site, which has a TON of information. Good luck to all of you!
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Nettie, you asked what some of the signs were.
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Check out our AC article on the "10 Warning Signs of Alzheimer's and Dementia"

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/alzheimers-disease-dementia-warning-signs-144253.htm
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