My parent lives with me and can take care of themselves but feels I should be their maid. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

My parent lives with me and can take care of themselves but feels I should be their maid. Any advice?

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And she is rude to everyone. She can take care of all her daily needs and even has a caregiver come in twice a week who does really nothing but talk to her and play with the dog. But she does not want to help out in any way just wants to lay on the couch and eat. Also is very rude like when you are sleeping does things to wake you up and goes through my personal things.

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It is your home, you set the rules.

You speak of her "moving in with us" which means you have a husband and possibly children.

Did she live in her own house when her husband was alive? Did she inherit much from him?

How old is your mom? Has she ever worked outside of the home?

My step-brother's mom moved in with him, his wife, and 3 children several years ago because she just could not live alone after the death of her husband. Other than that, there is no reason for her to be there. It is like she is still stuck in her grief which is not healthy. My step-brother and his wife both work. The children are in college. He is also coordinating care of his father, my step-dad, from another nearby town. His dad is 89 and in a wheelchair with some paralysis following a recent stroke. My step-dad also has dementia which is getting worse and worse, but is not as bad as my dad's dementia and he is also 89. He has a caregiver for 5 hours a day, wears a life alert and that's all. His mother in law is healthy.
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If this is your home, there need to be rules for all who live there.

If you have the discussion about rules and they are ignored, then it's time to find her alternate living arrangements.

You need to do this sooner rather than later. The sooner she gets situated in a new place the more easily she'll adjust.
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no she quit after she was in hospital for flu. So she has been about 2 months without any. I won't allow her to smoke in the house.
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Is she still smoking? How much does she smoke? Smoking robs the body of oxygen and can seriously lower the energy level. This is particularly pronounced in people who are older and have lung damage built up. Sometimes smokers feel like they don't have energy to do anything. I wonder if that could be part of her problem, along with depression that comes from loss and change. Or do you think maybe she is just lazy? You've known her your entire life, so you will probably have a good idea. It can be exasperating to watch a capable person sit and sit all day while you run circles trying to take care of them.
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Her husband died and she moved in with us because she didn't want to be alone. She has no physical or mental issues. She is healthy for the most part. Gets winded when she walks from smoking for most of her life. She is 74.
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You need some ground rules. Set them now. They should have been put in place at the onset, but that cow has left the barn already. Set her down (which shouldn't be hard) and talk to her like a Dutch uncle. Let her know that she needs to take up the slack a little. And the next time she goes through your personal things, you will make other living arrangements for her.
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So, what are your mother's mental and physical impairments? How old is she? How does she come to be living in your home?
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