Mom is 92, in her right mind, but bedridden due to quitting her PT and now has bedsores and catheter. She's in a quality NH and we admire and appreciate the staff, but she won't leave her room so when we are visiting we have to stay in her room and she won't engage much. It's agonizing. Should we go often and stay for 5 minutes or should we go once a week and stay for a couple of hours. We are not accustomed to "talking about our feelings" in our family, so it's unimaginable for me to even ask Mom what she wants. It would be so much easier if she would say. It's just hurtful to see her be kinder to people she barely knows than us kids. I know that sounds selfish................(by the way, this is not a new way of being treated, she's always been like this, but we could overlook it easier than when we are "trapped" in her room with her for what seems like excruciating visits.  I feel like a horrible child as I even write this question.

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Dear Jodester,

I hear your frustrations. I too come from family unaccustomed to talking about our feelings. But given your mom's age and her condition, I would suggest biting the bullet and doing so. My dad has passed and this is one of my regrets. I wish so badly had taken the lead and talked to my dad. Asked him point blank why?

I noticed this too. When my dad was in rehab. He was nicer to the nurses. I take care of him every day and he would never even spare me a thank you. Maybe because I was his daughter and this is what we do. Now I will never know because my dad is gone.

Maybe consider talking to a family therapist or a counselor. They say its never too late. I hope you are able to make a connection with your mom. I wish I did before my dad passed.
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Thanks for taking the time to answer me, that means a lot and I will take your words to heart ;)
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