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Caregiv,
Talk with her doctor. In the mean time go through AL facilities with a good casworker.

Her doctor CAN force her into AL even if it takes assistance with medical personnel to physically remove her and place her in AL.

My Mother threatened to call the police if her doctor tried to place her in AL. He told her that would be fine, but she had to understand that when they showed up THEY would be taking her straight to AL.

He gave her 1 more pass which she used the next week. Me and my husband found a wonderful AL while she was in the hospital and placed stepfather there too because he only had about 3 more marbles than Mom.

It took 3 months for them to start accepting their fate. Every now and again they will do the "take me home now"! That only lasts a few minutes, done/over.
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Reply to dkentz72
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You will know the signs when it is time for placement to happen. Sometimes even if we fall into that 12 year old person and afraid of we tell our parent what needs to happen surely grounding will not be enough.. Remember you are loving the best way you can and sometimes we have to stand in Absulte knowing we are doing our best and look at who raised you. Give them the love safety and honer given to you as they raised you into the strongest person they have ever known.
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Reply to Ssyynnthia
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Caregiv, I see from your profile that your Mom is 99 years old. What are your Mom's health issues?

Some 99 year olds can still be independent enough to downsize to "Independent Living" where she would have her own full size apartment. It depends on her budget and what she can afford.

Remember, your Mom is from an era where back when her parents or grand-parents needed to move to a "home", the home was the County Asylum. A pretty scary place back then. And I wouldn't be surprised if your Mom is thinking "Assisted Living" is the same.

Has your Mom had a chance to visit some of the senior facilities in her area? Usually there is a tour and you are served lunch so Mom can try out the food.

If your Mom feels she will lose her independence, tell her she will have MORE independence. That is how my Dad felt when he moved to senior facility. No more worry about real estate taxes, about having the lawn mowed, shoveling snow, etc. He was sooooo glad to get out from under all the maintenance. And he was around people from his own generation. For dinner, the facility likes to pair people who have similar backgrounds.
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Reply to freqflyer
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My mom didn't either, but the situation was that I couldn't leave her alone while I was work, and I am an only child with no family support.  Therefore, that was all that was left to do because my house has no bedrooms or bathrooms on the main floor and she can't manage the stairs.  We had already been through having outside people come in to deal with my GM, and it didn't work out.
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Reply to debbiesdaz
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Could you provide a little more background information—as much as you're comfortable sharing? Thanks.
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Reply to Ahmijoy
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Caregiv Jun 29, 2019
Fall and broke a bone in her ankle is now in rehab. Has Dementia but not extremely. Has difficulty speaking and is hard of hearing.
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