My mother is so old and frail, bent over and sad (yet, perfectly healthy, never sick). Its her negative outlook on everything that has ruined her life (and often ours). As long as I can remember she has been unhappy, negative and a "victim". She never seemed to take pleasure from anything. Meds didn't help, and she won't take them anyway. No matter what, she has always seen the glass as half empty. Yesterday I changed her bed, did her laundry, shopped and took her to lunch (my sister and I do it all because she is in independent living, should be in assisted but refuses). Her dementia is getting worse,and now she imagines things, lies, doesn't eat or bathe, doesn't remember anything after a few minutes. Other times she seems normal, but never cheerful or smiling. I want to hold her, make her feel better, but we have found it has the negative effect. When I left, I hugged her and told her I love her - AND SHE CRIED. I asked her why and she said she hates being old (its always about her). There is no sense trying to reason with her at all, so I don't know whether being tender is helpful or hurtful as hugging her is like hugging a stick, no response and she doesn't return it with any real feeling.