One factor in moving someone with dementia is that they become disoriented because they don't have the ability to learn where things are in the new place. If there is any chance that he will require residential care, it might be better to make the placement now rather than moving him twice.
TCisconcerned. It is difficult when an elderly parent is over confident in their ability to care for a person with dementia, however, depending on the level of the care he needs and the level of care she is actually able to provide, there are some things you can do. Some wait for a crisis, but if she is truly not meeting his needs, then I would consult with an Elder Law attorney and see what evidence is required in their jurisdiction to gain Guardianship over the person. You mother can contest, but she would have to show how she is capable. If she's not, then the court will consider who should be appointed, to make decisions regarding his finances and healthcare, including where he lives. He may need a nursing home, assisted living, memory care, or in home care if applicable.
You also say that you want your mom to move near you so you can help out. With dementia patients, the care is constant and 24/7. It's a full time job and very demanding physically and mentally. I would research all that is involved, so that you will know what to expect with regard to his care. You really need 3 shifts of people every day. I would make sure of your time and availability before she moves near you relying on that commitment.
The caregiver should always have at least medical POA. You better tell ur sibling that unless ur Mom is well off, if put in nursing care her money will pay for it. If Medicaid will be needed, the house will go up for sale and a lean put on it. It can cost 10k a month if Mom needs a nursing home.
yep, same here with hub's aunt and uncle, her thinking it's her "job" to take care of uncle no matter what instead of what's best for him, till now she's had a bad fall but still not enough - or at least not done - for her to be placed into long-term care so they're both just kinda there - maybe not so much so nothing's being taken care of but certainly not what needs to be done but guess as long as what absolutely has to be is all that matters
This is a very difficult situation. We are experiencing the same situation with my husbands father being stubborn and thinking he can handle mother in law on his own. We've gotten hostility when we've asked if we can help aka as interfering to him. Unfortunately( from what I ve gotten from this site ) it appears you have to wait for a terrible accident or crisis before you get any leverage with them.
Caregiver 1963..Well sounds all to familiar~ My Mom made my half -sister POA..and TOOK all OUR money and put MOM in a Nursing Home..She also put her on medicaid while having over $ 500,000.00 in her safe deposit box..My Step sister(Illegal ,,tax evasion)r would go to bank Every Month ans put barely enough in her Checking account just sly under the State Allows you to have in Your bank for Welfare.(medicaid),So I understand Your frustration,,My mom didn't want to change her POA and NOW still after 5 yrs she is in the nursing home miserable,,So SAD.I suggest you get (download on Legal,com) The POA paper work brought to the Hospital and see if they can legally Notarize this paper in the Hospital (google a person to Legally stamp Paperwork~ some will travel to your area) have her sign it ans help her sign if you have to ,,this is the best advice concerning your moms future and mental welfare,,this is a safe plan for you and your mom,,save all your receipts..gas food,,meds for you and your mom,,you should google a Free Consultation to an Elder lawyer,,GOD See's all Buddy~~
I am in the same boat right now, I have been the full time caregiver with a mother who clearly has dementia and while she wants me to do everything for her in handling her finances, house etc, she refuses to remove my sibling from the poa, the sibling who continues to undermine me and only has one goal and that was to block my efforts to get our mother proper care and she just wants her shoved into a home and everything taken out from underneath our mother, and tell me well if I need the garbage done or are having a bad day I can call you...I have given my mother excellent care and her mind is going she needs to have certain things in place to protect me as her caregiver and she cant be bothered so I'm thinking of walking away, she's more concerned about upsetting the sibling and shows total disregard for me so why should I bother any more? She's making sure the sibling gets the house and 1/2 the money in all likelihood and they do nothing for her..at what point do I walk away?
Depending on your Mom's age, many women from the past felt it was their "job" to take care of hubby no matter what. My Mom was like that, instead of thinking about the best possible care for my Dad [who was recovering from a heart attack], Mom thought she could do it all, refused caregivers, didn't even like the nurse who came in weekly to check Dad's vitals. Oh, Mom was 90 at that time.
Over the next few years Dad had minor health age related issues, some surgery, and falling issues... and still my Mom, even at 97 refused any type of help. She knew best. Sadly this became too much for her and she started falling and eventually the last fall put her into long-term-care. And now who was caring for Dad, the very same caregivers my Mom shooed out of the house several months prior.
Unfortunately, it will take a serious crises for your Mom to realize she can't do it all and she needs help.
You also say that you want your mom to move near you so you can help out. With dementia patients, the care is constant and 24/7. It's a full time job and very demanding physically and mentally. I would research all that is involved, so that you will know what to expect with regard to his care. You really need 3 shifts of people every day. I would make sure of your time and availability before she moves near you relying on that commitment.
Over the next few years Dad had minor health age related issues, some surgery, and falling issues... and still my Mom, even at 97 refused any type of help. She knew best. Sadly this became too much for her and she started falling and eventually the last fall put her into long-term-care. And now who was caring for Dad, the very same caregivers my Mom shooed out of the house several months prior.
Unfortunately, it will take a serious crises for your Mom to realize she can't do it all and she needs help.