Hi All,I am writing from Poland. I was a caregiver to my father with advanced dementia. The medical system in my country fails dramatically so I witnessed a lot of neglect on part of the medical professionals. I am in therapy working hard on regaining my mental health and would like to ask You for advice. Most probably I will never know if my father had dental pain. Some of his tooth looked awful- slightly chipped or filed/broken. I reported it to the dentist but he told me that nothing could have been done at that point- which now I know is not true as pain control is always an option. I would like to ask if anyone has experience dealing with such uncertainty? It hurts like hell. I have no idea how to cope with it.
Please take care of yourself now as I'm sure your father would want you to. Don't worry about him because he's in a better place. God bless you and I hope you find comfort in your father's memory.
Right now, it is all over. Feeling bad about it every day will only make you worse, and it doesn't help anyone. I know it is tough, but try to understand that it is all in the past, and he is now at peace.
A helpful thing to think about is that guilt is often a misplaced attempt to take control over an event that was entirely out of our hands. Work on yourself, try to let the burden go. Your only focus now should be your mental health and being there for the people who are dear to you.
It's natural to have misgivings after the fact, but we have to give ourselves a pat on the back for dealing with bad situations the best we could. Otherwise the uncertainties pile up, and we repeatedly try to dig ourselves out. This is not a wise thing to do!
Please know your dear father is at perfect peace now and feeling no pain or discomfort of any kind. You did your best as a daughter, and no medical care anywhere in the world is perfect.
Best of luck to you.
You aren't a Saint, and it's a pretty bad job description anyway. Even they die! BUT they are then expected to fix everything for the rest of us for eternity. Pretty unrealistic.
There's no reason to feel guilt about this; you did your best. You didn't cause the problems and the inadequacies of the system and you can't fix them. I am glad you are in therapy and hope it isn't "talk" therapy, because talking continually about something that never was in your control and certainly isn't now, is only adding on heaping loads of pain that will form a path of continually self harming. Cognitive therapy is much more helpful, and allows us to learn to leave old habits that amount to self-harm, and to let things go and move on with life. Going back into the past or staying stuck in the present isn't very helpful. The way is forward, to become involved in helping others and taking joy from the life you have left to live.
I sure do wish you the best.