Paid companion delights Mom but worries me. Should I talk to her company?

Get a nanny cam and see for yourself.

Err on the side of caution and ditch the companion immediately.

I would speak with her supervisor, forging a name isn't a professional action. It's good they get along and have fun but if she'll forge a name today, who knows what she will do tomorrow.

AmazingSusan, you are right about not making snap judgments based on limited information. I think the daughter should try her best to figure out what's actually going on--whether this is all mom's delusions, or if it's really happening. That being said, if the paid caregiver from the home care agency is forging mom's signature on documents--that is illegal, and it's possible she could be forging mom's signature at times when mom is NOT aware, like on checks...
If the paid caregiver from the home care agency is telling mom personal drama--that is highly unprofessional and is a training issue with the home care agency. About ten years ago I did a 3-week Nursing Assistant program at my local community college--my instructor REALLY drove home the point that we are NOT to discuss any upsetting personal information. Telling the people you're caring for a bit about your life is, of course, appropriate--it makes them feel more comfortable with someone who is providing personal care. However, my instructor said, and I'll never forget it, "you may, offhand, tell your 90-year-old patient that you got in a fight with your boyfriend last night. You may continue on with your day and think nothing of it, but that 90-year-old patient is very alone in that nursing home and will worry and fret about you and your safety. So don't put that burden on the people whom you are supposed to be caring for."
If this caregiver if being unprofessional and inappropriate, the home care agency supervisor needs to address it. Not to say the caregiver can't be sociable, but needs to leave the drama for her OWN mama.

Hi Amazing Susan. Thank you for your perspective which I think is helpful. Mom doesn't have dementia but she is BPD, Narcissist, and other things, so her emotional judgements are based on how someone flatters her. I think Mom told me about how the companion forged her name to gauge my reaction because she knows that something isn't right although she is getting what she wants out of this lady. Although, at first my mother didn't like listening to all this lady's problems because Mom wants attention on herself. My solution was to call the agency and talk to the person who supervises the others.

I stated my concerns: basically that if this companion is forging my mother's signature (Mom can write, by the way!), and doing things against the company policy, how would any of us really trust her? Those boundary breaking behaviors (apparently mirrored in her own life) are raising many flags. So the supervisor was great and she agreed with the dangers of this lady paired with my mother's emotional instability. I asked the lady to not give anyone the clue that it was me calling to ask for a third eye on this situation. (My mother wants to be independent and doesn't want me to interfere in anything: even talking to her doctor.) The supervisor said she'll treat it like a routine evaluation and she'll see if she notices forged signatures. Next thing I know I am talking to my mother.

In the middle of our phone conversation, the companion lady is all upset and calls my mother who simply gets that call without saying anything more to me.
I callled my mother back after about 15 minutes. My mother tell me: "Oh that was so and so. Someone is complaining about her and she has to go to the big city for an evaluation."

Mom didn't ask me more. I got the feeling she was clueless but puzzled that her dear angel might be called on the carpet for something. Apparently she put anything together yet. I was mad that the companion felt it was important or necessary to call Mom and share that with her. That in itself was very unprofessional, wasn't it? So I called back the agency and told them what happened. The supervisor agreed that was unprofessional behavior again and was going to have a talk with the lady.

I ended with my conversation with the supervisor that I hope that this lady can be corrected in her behaviors and still continue her work with my mother, but I don't trust her at all. Would you trust someone who forges your name for ANY reason?

good for you, judda. No, I would not trust anyone who forges for any reason Your mother is not mentally healthy and is needy and it is not surprising that she would attract and be attracted to someone else who is not mentally healthy and who is needy. It does not sound safe from a financial point of view. Mother had always been very careful with her money, but as she stared to decline she made some errors. it was the first sign that something was wrong. I agree that your mother telling you about the forgery is her thinking something is wrong and wanting to see how you react to it. I, myself would never be comfortable with someone with mother who forged her signature. Of course, you only have that info from your mother so far, but considering that she has not been diagnosed with dementia and if this is atypical behaviour on her part I think you have to take it seriously. My mother was the same in not wanting me to be involved, yet also wanting help on some level. It is a difficult time. Now I have to handle all her finances which is easier in some ways and harder in others. Let us know what happens. At the very least, this lady has crossed some serious boundaries

Judda, it definitely sounds like this lady has to go. But I'm curious: what did she forge mom's signiture on?

Hi, sounds like you have it handled. Since you know your mother best after all these years, with a diagnosis of bpd and narccisism, wouldn't she still make attempts to push your buttons, get you to care more by intimating there is a bigger problem, while at the same time regaling you with how delighted she is?
Maybe she just asked her caregiver to sign her name to the time sheet for the company, then they both laughed that it was "forging her signature". Unfortunately, this could all be your mother's code for a plea for help. You cannot tell either way, or can you? I am just guessing, because bpd loves to set the two of you up to fight. You, the caregiver, the agency. So glad you did not jump to conclusions, with the caregiver out of the way, mom's got you. Presume innocence until you have more info.

Watching this scenario play out, the caregiver is still unprofessional, calling up your mom to complain. Anyone who gets physically abused by her boyfriend and lost custody of her child is a danger to your mother. How, you say? Caregiver shows up after an argument and the boyfriend follows her to your mother's home. Domestic violence scares even the police. The agency just did not screen the caregiver well.

The companion from the company is now complaining to my mother that someone called the company to complain about her and the companion wanted to know did my mother do that? she is grilling my mother for info about it! Then of course, my mother started grilling ME. When Mom asked me if I called the company lied and said no: because I am afraid that if she knew it would cause my mother more mental and physical harm. I am really mad that
1. I asked the company not to disclose that I called them about this woman and that their companion aide can't be trusted. The result: the companion demanded of the company that she find out who is ratting on her behavior! Someone folded in at the company and said, "A family member."
Oh great: I am the only one who could have done that! This could ruin even more the tenuous relationship between my mother and I! I am only trying to do the right thing and protect my mother.

2. The lady in question (who forges my mother's signature, endlessy tells Mom who then tells me things like : this lady once went to prison, etc, etc)...now this lady is harrassing my mother to tell her who complained about her.

This is getting so messy. What can I do?

Juddabuddha, her reaction to the complaint totally confirms she is unprofessional as all get out and you immediately call the supervisor back and tell them what you just told us - that she turned around and harrassed your mom and you about who made the complaint. This is a 100% inappropriate reaction to a complaint. She needs to be OUT of the picture and probably out of the caregiving business, yesterday.

Thank you, v. That's what I am thinking. I don't see how I am going to keep lying to my mother the more I get into this though. So far the company is giving the lady some office type of work, although the lady was at Mom's today: maybe her last time there. Then the company called mom's house to make sure that the lady did as she was supposed to do and not drive my mother around shopping when she's supposed to be just visiting her.

When Mom asked me if I had called this company recently I said no. I listened to my mother's feelings about the lady and then I said, "Well the company probably had a red flag and uses the excuse as "a family member was concerned," as their excuse. I am sure the company checks their companion aids regularly, or maybe they are suspicioius. Maybe they saw your forged name. Certainly that would raise a red flag. The company will send you someone else, don't worry."

After a while my mother said, "oh, well, it's no big deal."

So I hope that sits for a while and the lady goes away. Today my mother mentioned to me that this person had been in prison before! And no, my mother does not make up stories about people. Well, thanks for letting me air this out.

Oh, too much time has passed for this to continue. Fire the agency and the companion. See mom on mother's day with your sister. Maybe make the phone call with your mother's permission, saying you will find her someone. At least 50 percent of caregivers would have fired her, and I am sure others would agree
1) after this much time; and 2) prison history, abusive boyfriend, lost custody of daughter, forged mother's name!!! What are you waiting for?

Next answer to Mom's questions: Do you want me to call the agency for you, Mom? Or would you prefer someone else to call them? We will get help for you.
It is a big deal Mom.

Good luck to you.

Judd, lose this agency and tell them why. Tel them that you will hold them liable if this unstable woman shows up at your mother's home in the future. In your shoes, I would send a copy of your complaint to the company about the caregiver to the local police ( and to mom's lawyer), just so it's on record.

Make a police report, soon, don't wait. It is all part of the process.
If you can go online, enter this agency's name into yelp.

Let the consequences lie where they will. It is entirely your right to take care of mom. Let the sheriff or police investigate. The companion's boyfriend may also have a record, or outstanding warrants. Reading: It only takes 6 minutes for a burglar to find and take what they want. Going back through some good answers
Change locks too. Maybe a review will help you focus in how serious this is.