Paid companion delights Mom but worries me. Should I talk to her company? - AgingCare.com

Paid companion delights Mom but worries me. Should I talk to her company?

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"She forged my name to appease her company and we do just as we like together!" my mother boasts. The companion has shared all her personal woes to my mother, drives her places when she isn't supposed to, and does whatever my mother wants. Lying to her company, forging my mother's signature (wtf: mom can write!) The lady is fighting for custody of her daughter, living with a wealthy guy who is now beating her up, and stuff like that. She sure sounds like a loser and abuser herself, but to my mother, "oh, she is so sweet." I have never met her in person. What precautions can I make? should I talk to her company?

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Yes, report this woman and find someone else. Your Mom won't like it but you need to try to protect her. It's one thing to sneak an extra cookie that the care receiver wants and another to forge a signature.

Please keep us posted on how you're doing.
Carol
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Oh my goodness! I would definately report this. It is unprofessional and could be a dangerous situation for your Mom. Not to mention your Mom should not be burdened with her caregivers personal issues! Good luck with this matter.
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Are you certain these discussions are taking place and not delusion? Does Mom have dementia? If so, anything she says may be a complete fabrication. I would make a point of meeting the caregiver to form your own opinions.

We have a similar issue here. There are days that my mom becomes quite paranoid which she is afraid to talk about with me, her 24/7 caregiver and sometimes also her husband. Then ding-a-ling telephone rings, mom will leave the room with the phone to talk to another daughter. Then mom will tell her whatever ahe is able to, sometimes something a simple as "something is terribly wrong here". And what does sister do? She asks mom for more information that mom will sometimes not be able to answer because she doesn't know, or she will will come up with something that has absolutely no basis in reality.

If you are not able to get reliable, consistent information from your mom, leave it alone until you have substantiated that there is a legitimate concern. Reporting something like this to the agency could likely cause the caregiver unnecessary trouble with her employer. Be grateful that your mom enjoys her but before doing anything, meet and get to know the caregiver.
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Hi all. Thanks for your feedback. I called the care giving company and they were very responsive and nice. They'll do an evaluation on the lady in question and check on the "forged signatures".

I feel better now! Have a great day.
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You hired a licensed, bonded company for a reason, rather than go to Craigslist or another source. If you have a gut feeling this caregiver could be doing any of these things your mother says; ASK FOR A DIFFERENT CAREGIVER IMMEDIATELY. Let the company know your concerns and it is an internal problem with the company to figure out employee honesty. A new employee should show up without explanation. If this questionable caregiver ever contacts your mom let the company know and let the cops know. So what if SOME details are part of dementia? My out moms care and safety is the WHOLE REASON you hired companion care. Trust your gut and take action.
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Agree with juju 100%...Long pole in the tent, of course, is that mom loves this creep. If you can determine which document(s) she forged, then provide them to the company for whom she works, she will get fired. Of course, she still knows mom and might not be out of the picture...This sounds to me like a scam/swindle waiting to happen.
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Fire her!! You are paying for companion care, which is pricey; so get a companion who is honest; not Thelma or Louise.
You WILL be sorry if you don't handle this now. There are plenty of good caregivers that abide by company rules and will still be nice to your mom.
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I'm with gladimhere - check the veracity of what your Mom says. Also, I would meet the person in person for a start...
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I work for a private care company, and most of my co-workers are amazing women, trained to care for those with cognitive impairments, but there have been a few times when I've had to report either a co-worker or employee of a facility in which my client was living, for inappropriate behavior. Things like oversharing of personal woes, watching television shows that aren't suited for the client's dementia, and anything that just sets off a warning bell, should be reported to the agency. Also, if you have the ability to drop by, or to have a family friend stop by during the time your mother's caregiver is with her, then do so. Maybe she is a perfectly lovely companion who just needs a reminder to not talk so personally, maybe your mother has confused some situations (for instance, one client I had in the past didn't think she needed a caregiver, so we had to pretend to be part of a cleaning service, while my current client likes to be told that we're there not because she needs us but because it makes her children happy).

So, yes, speak with the agency. Try to meet the caregiver if you can. As a caregiver myself, it helps to have a strong relationship with my client's family and to work together to make sure their parent has the best care possible.
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Hi Amazing Susan. Thank you for your perspective which I think is helpful. Mom doesn't have dementia but she is BPD, Narcissist, and other things, so her emotional judgements are based on how someone flatters her. I think Mom told me about how the companion forged her name to gauge my reaction because she knows that something isn't right although she is getting what she wants out of this lady. Although, at first my mother didn't like listening to all this lady's problems because Mom wants attention on herself. My solution was to call the agency and talk to the person who supervises the others.

I stated my concerns: basically that if this companion is forging my mother's signature (Mom can write, by the way!), and doing things against the company policy, how would any of us really trust her? Those boundary breaking behaviors (apparently mirrored in her own life) are raising many flags. So the supervisor was great and she agreed with the dangers of this lady paired with my mother's emotional instability. I asked the lady to not give anyone the clue that it was me calling to ask for a third eye on this situation. (My mother wants to be independent and doesn't want me to interfere in anything: even talking to her doctor.) The supervisor said she'll treat it like a routine evaluation and she'll see if she notices forged signatures. Next thing I know I am talking to my mother.

In the middle of our phone conversation, the companion lady is all upset and calls my mother who simply gets that call without saying anything more to me.
I callled my mother back after about 15 minutes. My mother tell me: "Oh that was so and so. Someone is complaining about her and she has to go to the big city for an evaluation."

Mom didn't ask me more. I got the feeling she was clueless but puzzled that her dear angel might be called on the carpet for something. Apparently she put anything together yet. I was mad that the companion felt it was important or necessary to call Mom and share that with her. That in itself was very unprofessional, wasn't it? So I called back the agency and told them what happened. The supervisor agreed that was unprofessional behavior again and was going to have a talk with the lady.

I ended with my conversation with the supervisor that I hope that this lady can be corrected in her behaviors and still continue her work with my mother, but I don't trust her at all. Would you trust someone who forges your name for ANY reason?
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