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She refuses to bath or wash up or anything and no one can make her.

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Yes either on walmart or amazon, or even in the stores you can buy no rinse bath wipes. Its in a blue package and you microwave them to get them nice and warm. I use them on weekends to give myself a break $
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Thank you all. The massage and bird baths and No Rinse products are now in the plan!
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Well obviously you can't physically restrain her and force her into the shower (even though you secretly would like to do just that), and a paid caregiver can't either. I think the others gave good suggestions, try bribery or appealing to her vanity (lets get cleaned up so you can try on this pretty new blouse), if all else fails you may have to settle for "cleaner" and 'clean enough", even if that doesn't include a full shower.
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Why not try the No Rinse method of cleaning? It doesn't require immersion, getting in and out of a bathtub, doesn't subject the elder to the drastic temperature changes of getting from a warm shower or bath out into the chillier room, and doesn't require that they undress completely.

It doesn't traumatize them either, as a bath or shower can.

Hospitals use it; it works for them. And it will avoid the liability issues of a caregiver being put in the position of trying to convince someone to do something she doesn't want.
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Chilly - I ment the paid caregiver told us sorry I can't legally Make her do anything including bath or even get washed up - not for family or paid CNA. Can I be prosecuted legally for washing her against her will? She always says No I'll take a bath when I get home but she lives with us and her home is sold.
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Maggie, Always love reading your comments and advice. Always so on target.
Blind, you may have to settle for bird baths. Start by massage, with or without lotion. Work up to washcloth. Allow her to clean her private area. Make it a qualm, pleasant time. There is always more ways to skin a cat (or bathe a mom)
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Mom got so she didn't want to bath or wash up. Refused, absolutely REFUSED the shower. Didn't want to wash up. I finally got a bath aid to come in once a week, and...with the promise of "a pretty" at the end, she was fine with bird baths. A pretty might have been a sparkly piece of costume jewelry, her fave candy or food for dinner that night.
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As in "you're going to jail if you don't have a bath?" LOL Seriously, there is no legal requirement for cleanliness.
When you say no one can make her do you mean family, or have you already tried outside bath aides? Sometimes they will do for outsiders what they won't do for family.
Have you figured out exactly what her reasoning is? Is it too cold in the bathroom, too difficult to get in and out of the tub/shower, is she afraid to fall? Unfortunately this seems to be a common problem with dementia and the fix (if one can be found) is often unique to your particular circumstances. Tell us a little more about your MIL.
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