Mom is 2 hrs away, needs full time care. I have a live in for her but I feel like I'm managing them both. I'm so overwhelmed?

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I feel like I'm supporting both of them emotionally ( and financially) I work full time at a very stressful job. Mom had a fall and is currently in rehab but I fear because she will be even more needy when she is discharged, the stress will be even worse. This is ruining my home life as on weekends I have to relieve her live in and leave my husband.i return physically and emotionally drained. Of course Mom doesn't want to move closer.

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If the live in requires that much management, you need a different person or if she has a bond with mom, maybe she needs instructions and expectations.....she should be a help nt a burden
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Abbey,
You have my sympathy. Please tell us more.
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You need team building skills. First can your husband go with you on the weekends? Why isn't he helping? Does your Mom have dementia? How old is your Mom, and what diseases does she have? Some diseases like heart, lung, or parkinson's can be managed with help at home. Alzheimer's or advanced dementia needs 24/7 care in a facility.

I feel you would find talking to a therapist helpful. You are getting pulled in four different directions, work, home, Mom, caregiver. Nobody is happy, everything makes you feel guilty you are not doing enough. Plus you don't have a lot of time here. Going to rehab is the tip of the iceberg, your Mom will need a lot more care. Hard decisions must be made. If you talk to a therapist you will at the very least relieve some of that guilt. Therapy gives you skills in how to handle tough situations. I couldn't do 24/7 care without my shrink's support. I have joy, Dad is happy, and my siblings give me help. That is a complete turn around from when I got thrown in the deep end two years ago, taking care of a 90 year old parkinson's patient, who had been in rehab for three months, while recovering from a broken leg. Dad was in a wheel chair, incontient bowel and bladder, from being in a diaper for three months, falling daily.. Therapy saved my life.

I have read many books on the subject of elder care. The best for your situation right now "My Mother, Your Mother" by Dennis McCullough" a geriatric Dr who espouses slow medicine. He will explain your options, home care, assisted living, and nursing homes. How to slow down and make the best decision for everyone. He includes caregivers in the solution, a rarity. How to get off the high tech medical run around, and enjoy your last years of life. If your mom is competent give it to her to read, also.
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If you could please make it more clear about how the caregiver is adding to your burden I will try to help....
It is hard for you, even if you lived in the same town... but doing it long distance seems to be even more stressful.... I pray you get a break soon.... and try to take some pressure off yourself.... you can only do so much by not being there... appreciate yourself for doing the best you can under the circumstances.... sending you hugs of support...
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