Overwhelmed daughter/niece. What can I do?

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My 74yr old aunt suffers from dementia and end stage renal disease. My mother is POA for my aunt however she suffered 2 massive strokes in January. My mother's right side is paralyzed, is unable to speak and has been bed bound since, therefore, I started taking care of my aunt by default. She had home health provider to assist her with her daily needs. I'm a single mother of 2 and ran out of benefits at my job due to taking a leave of absence when my mother had her strokes. I ended up having to place my mother in s nursing home for rehabilitation because my mother required around the clock assistance and as an only child, it was too much for me without family assistance. My aunt's end stage renal disease situation got a little difficult and I had many absences and was getting close to losing myjob. (Exhausted benefits) I thought leaving my job was going to mange my home situation easier better, however it is not. My aunt's dementia has progressed and it's as if I have another child. Crying, screaming, cursing, plus telling people I treat her bad. Many of her nurses and doctors know how she is, and I personally don't care, because I know I've been doing everything in my power to care for my mother, my aunt, and my children, but I'm afraid of getting in unnecessary problems because of things she says. I have no support from my aunts or uncle, however they refuse to place her in a nursing home. I have made many sacrifices to do what's best but I'm a 31 yr old single mother with a 12 & 9yr old that's exhausted. What can I do? Please help me!!

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Excuse me while I go take a nap. Your post exhausted ME.

You've got to get help for yourself. And I'll tell you what, it is NOT FAIR to your two kids to live in that mayhem . . . your attention diverted 24/7 to your aunt . . . your fuse significantly shortened with THEM. That's not the life you promised them; and not the life they deserve.

Mom's in a nursing home. Sounds like that's exactly where she belongs. Great move. See her twice a week -- bring the kids once -- and know that you're doing all you can for her.

Your aunt? Get her out of your house. You don't need to leave a job to care for her. She has siblings, if I understand it. There are others who should be shouldering the burden. You've taken on too much.

Your heart of gold is doing you in. You cannot do this alone.
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You call the Aunt's family and let them know as of a week from tomorrow, you will no longer be able to take care of their sister. You are being used and putting you and your own family's future in jeopardy. This is so wrong it stinks!
Let them rant and rave and take care of her the best they can. What would they have done had your Mother not been able to care for her? When your Mother got ill the Aunt should have gone elsewhere. Call them tonight if you can....just get out of there. Your one and only responsibility is to your children!

God bless!
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I am very sorry for your aunt. Poor dear did not ask to be in this situation. But she is NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Your children are. Turn her over to her relatives that won't put her in a nursing home. Let them figure it out. You made sensible decisions about your mother. It's their turn!
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I'm always amazed the people who don't want to admit a loved one to a NH are the one's who can't be bothered with their care. I'm sure you love your aunt dearly, or at least the person she was. But you have shouldered responsibility you don't need. It's up to her sibs to take care of her. Give then notice. Tell them you're done. They need to make other arrangements. They will continue to skate until you stop being the one who steps up to the plate. Your plate is already full. Your kids need a more stable environment. Get going. You can do this.
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I couldn't agree more with everyone that this can't go on (and how typically kind of Jeanne to acknowledge your aunt's blamelessness in this situation. I have less kind thoughts about the other aunts/uncles).

The only additional point I wonder about is your aunt's home health provider. Well, somebody there is under contract to support your aunt: would that person have more luck getting her other siblings in line than you have had? I'd give them a ring and see if they had any help or advice to offer.

Actually, there is another important point: your mother's POA for your aunt. What's happening with that? Clearly she can no longer fulfil those responsibilities, so you'd better get hold of the documentation and see what needs to be done.

Big hug. Grit your teeth, get your aunt squared away, and then at least you'll be able to stand still for long enough to think about how best to get your life back on track. Single parenthood on its own is plenty for one plate! Best of luck to you.
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I agree with the other posts. You've gone above and beyond, it's time to call in the troops and get your aunt to a place where she's cared for by three shifts of people and not just you. Worst case scenario, call 911 and get her taken to the hospital, then refuse to take her back home. They'll have to place her somewhere else. She can't help her dementia, but it's not up to you to ruin your life and your daughters' lives taking care of her. Also like Countrymouse says, find the POA and see who the alternatives/back-ups are and get them acting on your aunt's behalf. Good luck and please keep us posted on what you're doing.
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crzgenkys23- I understand to a point( no one with dementia yet) but care for grandpa and at times my dad, my dad more and more lately. I dont work though but also have 2 kids, with issues. Your right, if you quit you cant pay bills, loose your home etc, you will be in an even worse situation if you quit. As everyone here and others told me kids first and Im working on it. I did put them first by having a roof over their head, but Im losing more and more time with them lately.. I have guilt for everyone in my situations and its not easy.

Im up all night at times with granpa or my son, or just me..then cant sleep the next day because again, taking care of grandpa, attempting to clean my home ( two homes) its a never ending cycle of going downhill. The others are right, your Aunt should be in a NH or with other relatives. Sure its easy to say what they want when they dont help! I get it! Dont dont dont end up like me.. keep that job full force and visit with your family and keep you and your kids sane and happy now! Im in a rut, trying to climb back to life... please trust me and be strong now, dont get guilt and the longer it goes on the harder it gets.... . You can do this! Hugs
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Thank you everyone for your feedback. I actually had the conversation with her sister but unfortunately my aunt has been diagnosed with cancer and it's unable to take her. So now I'm going to get information on admitting her into a NH and what I can do to get her there when she doesn't want to.
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If she has cancer, what about Hospice? Get the POA so you can take care of things and not have to worry about what the other - non helping - members have to say about it.
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crzgenkys23, so sorry to hear about your mom, I am hoping she will improve with time. As for your Aunt, maybe it is time for her to be placed in assistant living so that you can get back to your life, your children, and your job. If you weren't around, your Aunt would be there anyway.

Regarding POA's, I thought all POA's had more than one person listed.... mine has 4 people listed.... the first name is my primary POA and if anything happens to him, then the next person on the list becomes my POA, and if anything happens to that person, then the next, and the next. I had my POA's drawn up by an Elder Care attorney.
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